Getting even with an ex girlfriend

Is getting even with an ex girlfriend something you should consider?

If you recently split up with your ex girlfriend, or ex wife, you may be feeling somewhat ‘emotional’. You may experience mood swings on a daily basis – especially when you reminisce about your ex girlfriend, or even remember arguments you had leading to the breakdown of the relationship – taking you from desperate to angry to furious. Well, that’s not unusual in itself, so don’t dwell too much on this – it’s part of the process.

If on the other hand you split up with your girlfriend or wife a long time ago, and you still feel very angry toward her, then maybe it’s time to start taking stock.

Anger can be a useful tool, if used properly and briefly – to propel yourself from a bad situation into a better one. But harvesting anger, keeping it alive inside you, is medically proven to be ‘a bad thing’. Anger creates stress inside you – to put it simply. Your brain releases a concoction of chemicals into your bloodstream when you’re angry, which create the various feelings you may experience – feelings that we associate with the negative, like:

  • suffering
  • stress
  • low self esteem
  • depression
  • lack of confidence

Having these chemicals floating around in your bloodstream for prologued periods of time is not a good thing. It’s in fact detrimental to your health and can cause many illnesses, even (eventually) terminal ones.

So by keeping the anger alive, you’re actually (technically) killing yourself.

If you’re the kind of guy who likes to get even with everybody so as not to ‘loose out to anyone’ then consider this: who ‘wins’ if you get ill as a result of being constantly angry about your ex girlfriend? You or her?

But closer to the point, you really should be asking yourself what your end goal is: are you trying to get over your ex? Then realise this:

  • by wanting to get even with your ex, you’re constantly thinking about your ex.
  • by wanting revenge on your ex girlfriend, you’re ‘stressing’ over how to get even with her

In other words, you’re not getting over your ex because you’re keeping her alive inside your mind!

How’s that for an irony?

So, is it worth getting even with your ex? Well, that’s a personal question and only you can answer it. Is it worth getting even with her in the short term? (again, I can’t answer this). Is it worth being angry with your ex girlfriend? Well, as I said, anger has its uses, but it’s certainly not worth staying angry over any prolongued period of time: aside from the health angle, it’s simply a waste of your time (you could be doing something else, like enjoying a new girlfriend, instead of focusing on burning time and energy on being angry (or plotting to get even with) somebody who probably isn’t thinking about you right now, and who may care even less about you!

The short ‘stock’ answer then, to is it worth getting even with an ex? is: get over her. Or grow up. Or pull your socks up. Chose whichever one fits your frame of mind right now.

Don’t waste your time plotting to get even with her. Accept that you may have had your flaws too and move on, learning all you can from the experience in order to improve yourself.

About Jose Gonzalez

Jose Gonzalez is the author of various books, including Get Over Your Ex and The Black Book of Online Dating.

Comments

  1. karma is a bitch but getting even could ease the pain!!!

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