Forgive someone for cheating?

Jose says:

Whether you can forgive someone for cheating or not is mostly down to the person making the decision. You should ask yourself: can I live with my partner knowing that they cheated on me? If the answer is no, then the question of whether you should forgive someone for cheating or not has just been answered. If you decide that you can live with this knowledge - as in your case - then the following applies:

You mention that you now have a job, which means you have money, which means your position has changed somewhat and he may change his ways because of this. The interesting thing here is how the dynamic of the relationship can change once a little power comes your way (in this case power is being able to leave the relationship, which is now possible due to you having money).

It appears that at the very least, you are now a little more independent (you have choices available to you) and this can only be a positive thing in your current situation.

Ever heard the saying: the grass is greener on the other side? Of course you have. In reality, most of the time, it appears to be greener. The saying reflects on the fact that people generally tend to be want the things that are harder to get (maybe even the things they can’t have). take a look at your own worldly possessions: which one was the hardest one to archive? I’m willing to bet you attach a lot of value to this possession…

It appears that your other half stopped appreciating you for what you are: the other half of the relationship! Now that you have a new-found power and the possibility of you leaving the relationship is now a reality,he may well start to work a little harder to keep what he has, as you imply in your post.

People fear loss more than gain; if loosing you becomes a possibility, then he may just keep his promise to you.

It is however a sad state of affairs that you should have to create this possibility in order for your other half to ‘take more notice of you’. You’re the one who got hurt, and you’re the one who should really decide whether you want to forgive the cheating.

Not many people get a second chance, never mind more!

Your other half is pretty lucky, let’s be honest here: he’s been very lucky up to know. If you forgive him, you should let him know this, and you should let him know that he is still in a relationship with you because you decided to forgive him for his cheating and give him another chance. Never allow him to even suspect that the reason you’re still around is because you may somehow depend on him; or you can’t live without him. This shifts ‘the power’ back onto him, and you’ve already seen how he reacts when this is the case.

Let your partner know that can walk away if it comes to it. Let your partner know that you’re not a doormat and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Your other half may suddenly realise just how lucky they have been.

Meanwhile, keep doing what you’re doing - work on yourself and on your independence and put yourself in a position where you are comfortable knowing that you are not being taken for granted.

Recommended reading:

• My ex cheating on me after 5 years
• Cheating girlfriend, cheating wife