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Being dumped by your girlfriend…

admin — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:50:35 +0000

Being dumped by your girlfriend… can feel like the end of the world for many guys. It’s almost an automatic reaction, where being dumped is about feeling bad… and this is where the answer is!

Nothing good is associated with being dumped by your girlfriend. Instead, being dumped is all about:

feeling lonely
feeling sad
feeling lost
having nobody to love

Whilst some or all of the above may be true, at least for the short term, the real issue stems from the fact that all of the above (negative points) are taken for granted. In short, if your girlfriend dumps you, you ASSUME that it’s time to feel bad. You don’t question it, you just do it. And how do you know when to stop feeling dumped? You don’t….

Instead, stop and question the value of this mindset. Morning the loos of a girlfriend or feeling low in self esteem after being dumped by her are natural states and have value in themselves (instrospection, ‘learning’ from mistakes… and so on) but they are only one side of the outcome. What about the positive side of being dumped?

Have you ever stopped to think what is good about being dumped by a girlfriend? If not, then ask yourself why not.

Being dumped, to start with, has negative connotations that target yoru self-esteem (the words ‘being dumped’ make you feel less valuable, less worthy, even unwanted). So change the word. You probably decided yourself that she dumped you - nobody chose those words for you. Not only are you putting a negative label on the event, but you’re buying into the ideology that you should now feel bad and depressed.

Stop.

Your relationship ended. Period. The reason is not important right now: what is, is changing the words that you use to describe the event.

So your relationship is over. Now start to think about how this can be of benefit. What couldn’t you do when you were in a relationship that you can do now, and that you would enjoy? What does being single mean right now to you:

a new beginning?
more parties?
staying out late?
not having to answer to anybody?
doing what you want, when you want?

Sure, being in the right relationship is a fantastic experience, but if this is not the case right now, then stop brooding about how wonderful it is, or it could be, and concentrate instead on finding the positives of your particular situation right now - i.e. being single.

The list is endless when it comes to finding positives, if only you apply yourself to the task.

Take a look at the follwing articles for more ideas:

Make sure you also download your copy of How To Get Over Your Ex and start putting what you learn into practice right away!

My ex dumped me, so will I suffer the most? For some, getting over an ex (girlfriend or boyfriend) can...
How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend Getting over an ex girlfriend can take a long time......
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Getting your ex girlfriend back can take a lot of...
Getting even with an ex girlfriend Is getting even with an ex girlfriend something you should...
Cheating girlfriend / cheating wife: how to deal with this So your girlfriend cheated on you... or your wife cheated...
About & Help How to get over your ex is an extremely...
Stop thinking about your ex How to stop thinking about an ex - this...
The danger of healing in your own time (healing from a broken heart) Healing from a broken heart is not a pleasant experience:...
Why you need to read How To Get Over Your Ex Of all the things we can possess in life, of...
How to mend a broken heart There are ways to mend a broken heart that can...

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My ex girlfriend wont speak to me

admin — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 09:01:11 +0000

“My ex girlfriend wont speak to me! Me and my ex girlfriend have been dating for over 6 months now, and it was an amazing relationship - everything was just right. Now, all over a sudden, she breaks up with me and she won’t even speak to me! I don’t know what went wrong, what I did to upset her but she just tells me to stop texting her and stop ringing her and she gets mad when I try to contact her. This all happened when her parents found out about us and I know she was trying to keep it from them. I love her so much and I don’t know what to do”.

Jose says:

The bad news is that there is very little you can do. If your ex girlfriend wont talk to you, then you can’t force her to. You are the only person you have control over; your ex girlfriend - for whatever reason - has made a decision and only she can change that decision.

It doesn’t sound like you got a clean break, but people seldom do. It also seems that you’re spending a lot of time thinking about this, covering all the angles, playing scenes from the past over and over in your mind until you find something - anything - that may explain why your ex broke up with you so suddenly. It sounds like you may have been shut out with not much explanation. But you already know in your heart of hearts and all this thinking will achieve very little… or nothing.

The truth is that there is not much point trying to ‘guess’ what really happened. Find out the facts and put it to rest, or accept what happened and put it to rest - but don’t second guess.

You mention she was trying to keep your relationship secret from her parents, and that they found out. It seems likely that this has something to do with her reaction. The fear of letting parents down is hard to overcome for some people - it’s not unlike peer-pressure, where you may act in ways that are out of character in order to earn the approval of your peers (it may well be that her decision has nothing do with you personally). But even if we assume that her parents are the reason for her behaviour, this still doesn’t change the situation at all.

You’re going to have to accept what happened. Don’t sit around and brood any more than you have to: do your ‘time’, reflect, learn whatever you can and then get back on track.

Your ex girlfriend may one day tell you what really happened for her to decide to break up with you, but even so, don’t bank on this being the truth - she may tell you what you want to hear instead.

There is much work to do when it comes to picking up the pieces, and this is what this site is all about. Take a look at the articles in this resource and make sure you download your copy of How To Get Over Your Ex.

Articles that will help:

Sad and lonely after ex girlfriend left me "I feel so sad and lonely its unreal. I...
How to say no to an ex girlfriend (or boyfriend) "My ex girlfriend keeps hounding me lately to meet...
My ex girlfriend cheated on me after 5 years "I'm 25 and my girlfriend of 5 years goes...
Staying friends with an ex "Is staying friends with an ex a good idea?...
Forgive someone for cheating? "Can I forgive someone for cheating? What if they...
My ex wants to be friends "My ex wants to be friends and I'm not...

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Forgive someone for cheating?

admin — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 11:16:26 +0000

“Can I forgive someone for cheating? What if they have cheated on me more than once?

After 2.5 years or marriage, I discovered that my partner had cheated on me for the third time. The previous times I opted to forgive his cheating - I just try to ignore it. He always tells me he’s sorry but this time I think he means it. I just started work and now that I have a little money, he knows that I could actually leave him, so is it worth me sticking around and forgiving his cheating once more?”

Jose says:

Whether you can forgive someone for cheating or not is mostly down to the person making the decision. You should ask yourself: can I live with my partner knowing that they cheated on me? If the answer is no, then the question of whether you should forgive someone for cheating or not has just been answered. If you decide that you can live with this knowledge - as in your case - then the following applies:

You mention that you now have a job, which means you have money, which means your position has changed somewhat and he may change his ways because of this. The interesting thing here is how the dynamic of the relationship can change once a little power comes your way (in this case power is being able to leave the relationship, which is now possible due to you having money).

It appears that at the very least, you are now a little more independent (you have choices available to you) and this can only be a positive thing in your current situation.

Ever heard the saying: the grass is greener on the other side? Of course you have. In reality, most of the time, it appears to be greener. The saying reflects on the fact that people generally tend to be want the things that are harder to get (maybe even the things they can’t have). take a look at your own worldly possessions: which one was the hardest one to archive? I’m willing to bet you attach a lot of value to this possession…

It appears that your other half stopped appreciating you for what you are: the other half of the relationship! Now that you have a new-found power and the possibility of you leaving the relationship is now a reality,he may well start to work a little harder to keep what he has, as you imply in your post.

People fear loss more than gain; if loosing you becomes a possibility, then he may just keep his promise to you.

It is however a sad state of affairs that you should have to create this possibility in order for your other half to ‘take more notice of you’. You’re the one who got hurt, and you’re the one who should really decide whether you want to forgive the cheating.

Not many people get a second chance, never mind more!

Your other half is pretty lucky, let’s be honest here: he’s been very lucky up to know. If you forgive him, you should let him know this, and you should let him know that he is still in a relationship with you because you decided to forgive him for his cheating and give him another chance. Never allow him to even suspect that the reason you’re still around is because you may somehow depend on him; or you can’t live without him. This shifts ‘the power’ back onto him, and you’ve already seen how he reacts when this is the case.

Let your partner know that can walk away if it comes to it. Let your partner know that you’re not a doormat and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Your other half may suddenly realise just how lucky they have been.

Meanwhile, keep doing what you’re doing - work on yourself and on your independence and put yourself in a position where you are comfortable knowing that you are not being taken for granted.

It may sound tedious and even too much like hard work, but every decision comes with a price tag… and this may be the price to pay if you want to keep this relationship working.

How to say no to an ex girlfriend (or boyfriend)

admin — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 10:44:31 +0000

“My ex girlfriend keeps hounding me lately to meet up. She says she just wants to be friends, but I’m still hurt and I don’t want to see her. How do I say no to an ex girlfriend? What I keep wondering is why does my ex want to meet up with me again? Is she trying to get together with me again or is she just being nice?”

Jose says:

Saying ‘no’ to an ex girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter, boils down to the same thing: you.

It’s hard to second guess what your ex girlfriend’s intentions may or may not be and since I don’t know the first thing about your relationship with her, I’m not going to try.

Consider this: what if your ex girlfriend is interested in being more than friends with you? This would be a reason for your ex to want to hook up with you sometime soon. However, this is neither good nor bad: it’s just a fact. Remember that you can’t control what other people think or do, so it’s not very useful to worry about what she may or may not be intending, especially since any outcome requires YOUR input also - this means you’re in control of at least half of the outcome.

You mention that you’re still hurt. Take this as a hint that what you should be using your time to heal; in other words, do things that are constructive to getting yourself back together again. Hang out with friends if you’re that way inclined, or spend some quality time with yourself and watch some great movies or read some great books if that’s what makes you tick… just do the things that you enjoy for now and don’t put yourself (and your emotions) on the firing line any time soon.
As for your question: “how to say no to an ex girlfriend”… that’s easy: say ‘no’.

You don’t need to justify your reasons to your ex girlfriend - or anybody else. If somebody asks you if you want a coffee, and you don’t… do you answer ‘no thank you’, or do you explain why you don’t feel like drinking one right now, perhaps detailing the last previous 6 times you drank coffee and theorising as to why you may not feel the urge to sip one at this time…

I imagine (and hope) you simply decline the offer. Well, apply the same to your ex girlfriend. If you don’t want to meet up with her, then say so and don’t root around for excuses. ‘No’ will suffice.

How to mend a broken heart

admin — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:15:29 +0000

There are ways to mend a broken heart that can seem elusive at first, especially if you just broke up with your partner and you’re feeling down, sorry for yourself etc.

Following a breakup you are at your most vulnerable - especially if your feelings are in turmoil. This is a hard time where key decisions are hard enough to make. Let’s face it: the broken-hearted are not known for their logical approach and their excellent decision-making. But this is not a bad thing - the only thing is not knowing that this is a bad time to make decisions. If you accept that you’re feeling down, heart-broken etc then you can avoid making many mistakes which may cost you time, effort, money and reputation.

So the first step is acceptance. Accept that you are broken-hearted. There is no shame in this (get rid of this idea). It happens to most people at one point or another, and there’s a lot of people around… You can pretend you’re fine on the outside, but you can’t lie to yourself, so don’t try to.

Once you’re comfortable with the idea, you can start concentrating on the real solution: mending a broken heart. Think of it like trying to help an alcoholic: if they don’t accept they have a problem, how can they start to work on a solution?

Now that we’re focusing on healing from the broken heart, we can look at the next points.

Distance is key. It is immensely helpful to be able to separate yourself from the matter - to step aside from the issue for a brief period of time, so you can view things without attachment. Shed your feelings if you like, and out them aside and look at things from a colder fresh angle to see what you can learn.

Not all broken hearts come about in the same way: some may be the result of a failed relationship, others may be the result of circumstance (maybe your sweetheart had to go away, got a job transfer, had to go study far away etc…) so it’s very hard to prescribe a universal solution to this issue.

You will need to look at your own particular circumstances to decide how you can implement the solution that helps you most.

In nearly all cases however, distancing yourself from the dilemma is always helpful. If it was a breakup that you’re dealing with, then see things from your ex partner’s eyes for a moment; consider ‘why’ things happened in the way they did. You will almost always find fault with you to some degree or another.

But mending a broken heart is not about finding blame and pointing fingers - it’s about distancing yourself and healing.

Once you distance yourself mentally, you can start to do the same physically. If you have difficulty distancing yourself mentally, try reading how to stop thinking about your ex and also be glad it’s over with your ex to help you getting over this issue.

Use common sense when it comes to distancing yourself from your ex.

Avoid old haunts where your ex may frequent
Generally avoid your ex partner
Don’t drive past your ex’s home
Just don’t be anywhere near if you can help it

Mending your heart requires time. You have some control over the quality of that time: make sure it’s high quality time, where you are surrounded by yourself or alone, doing the things you enjoy. Don’t put yourself in the path of your ex partner: you’ll create nothing but stress for yourself and you will be doing everything you can to prevent emotional healing - instead, you’ll be continually opening those old wounds by seeing your ex. For most people, following a split, seeing their ex partners can be a step back - a revival of the hurt. While you don’t have any real control of where your ex decides to hang out, you do on the other hand have control of where YOU hang out, so use your common sense and avoid the aforementinoed places and any other place which may lead to a potential encounter with your ex.

My ex wants to be friends

admin — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 10:21:24 +0000

“My ex wants to be friends and I’m not sure how to say no to him. I’m not confident that we can patch up after he quit on our relationship and I’m not even sure why he wants to be friends now. I know that I’m not OK with a friendship right now, but what does it mean when an ex wants to be friends?”

Jose says:

You seem to have made your mind up already, so the answer is glaringly obvious. It really doesn’t matter if your ex boyfriend wants to be friends (or if your ex girlfriend to be friends, for that matter - it’s the same thing). What matters is what you think, and that’s pretty clear.

You should be glad that you’ve made a decision - many people get stuck in the rut of indeciseveness and burn up unnecessary emotional energy by not being able to choose a course of action.

Regarding your question: what does it mean when an ex wants to be friends?
I can’t even hazzard a guess as to what your ex’s motives may be without any background information and without knowing more details about your relatonship.

Anybody could have ulterior motives - it could be that your ex is interested in being more than friends. How you deal with this is down to you, your immediate needs and your decision making. Having said this, I’m not implying that wanting to be more than friends is a bad thing: in reality it’s neither good nor bad. It just depends on your position: if you want to be more than friends and this is your ex’s intention also, then it can be a good thing; but if your ex is trying to use the ‘lets be friends’ excuse to get close to you and you don’t want to get back into a relationship with him, then it can be a bad thing.

If the latter was the case, then you may have to be blunt with your ex and have a showdown of sorts, but it may turn out to be the best thing that you do (any great result may come out of this, especially in the long run) so I can’t even say it’s a bad thing if your ex wants to get back with you. It’s just a fact, nothing more nothing less.

So, it’s not about your ex wanting to be friends with you, but rather it’s about whether you want to be friends with your ex, and clearly - right now - you don’t. So the only issue to tackle is: how to say no to your ex.

Simply tell your ex you’re not ready for ANY kind of interaction right now. That’s it. That line is clear and straight to the point, and uses the word ‘interaction’ (instead of relationship) to avoid any nonsense and pretence. some people start to play word games when you tell them you’re not ready for a relationship of any kind… and attempt to turn the tables on you and make it about YOU accusing them of wanting something more than friendship… it’s a cheap tactic to divert attention from their real motives once you call their bluff, and it’s not a conversation you want to get into with your ex right now (it’s pointless and a waste of time).

At the end of the day, it’s your time and you are entitled to spend it (or not, as may be the case) with anybody you chose. Nobody is forcing you to spend it with your ex: if you do, it’s because you allowed it to.

So remember: use short and clear language and you won’t make a fool of yourself. Don’t accuse your ex of anthing (people can always deny what you accuse them of) but DO be clear and don’t drag it out: one sentence is all it takes.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

admin — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:33:20 +0000

Getting your ex girlfriend back can take a lot of effort and time, so before you consider this, think long and hard whether you want your ex back for the right reasons.

do you want your ex girlfriend back because you miss having female company?
do you want her back because you can’t stand being on your own?
do you want her back because you miss some of the things you did together as a couple?
do you want your ex back because all your friends are in relationships

None of the above points are legitimate reasons (the right reasons) for wanting to get your ex girlfriend back. In fact, if any of the above is one of your reasons, you could be setting yourself up for another breakup yet again.

Think about it this way: what is the end-goal of having your ex back? Potentially, you could be spending the rest of your life with your ex! This is why you should make yoru decision based on something solid, as opossed to becuase you feel lonely RIGHT NOW.

You can ask yourself whether you really want your ex back or not by using the following questions:

Are you willing to trade (potentially) the rest of your life (dating life at least) for ‘filling’ that empty gap right now (in the short term)?
Are you willing to loose your freedom (in a sense) by getting into a relationship because right now you’re bored?

You get the idea: think long term, think commitment. Becuase that’s the potential outcome of any relationship.

If you pass these type of ‘filter’ questions, then you’ve probably already thought about this decision in more detail than many people. If you want to get your ex girlfriend back because you genuinely like her being around and you enjoy being in a relationship with her, then you have the right reasons. You’ll now need to work on yourself and learn how to attract her again.

To learn more about generating attraction and how to get started on getting your ex back, please read the following article:

How To Get Your Ex Back

I also recommend downloading How to get over your ex and considering the content. The advanced chapters guide you throught the do’s and don’t’s of social attraction and how to generate attraction on a male-to-female basis. Enjoy.

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Staying friends with an ex

admin — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 08:05:03 +0000

“Is staying friends with an ex a good idea? My ex boyfriend was on the rebound (already this sounds like a bad relationship, I know). But he decided in the end that he couldn’t be with me - it was too early after his breakup he said. But he still wanted to be friends with me. One of my friends says I should let him do all the work for the friendship to work, in case he doesn’t mean it. Anyway, after one full month he didn’t get in touch with me. I text him once because some of his stuff was still at my place and I wanted to do the decent thing and let him collect his things.

In all this time we haven’t seen each other even once. He didn’t even text back until today, when he asked to meet him to say hello if I want to. I’m not sure what to do. Do men ever mean this? I don’t think he wants to get back together with me, but I keep thinking about how you can pretend you never had a relationship and act like you’re just friends. Any advice is welcome.”

Jose says:

Staying friends with an ex can be a tough decision, especially if you still have feelings for your ex, or vice-versa, as these will invariably have an effect on the friendship. If I was in this position, I would seriously consider how beneficial this ‘friendship’ is to me right now.

It already sounds like you may be spending a lot of time thinking about this ‘friendship’, and considering that you haven’t seen him in at least a month, you should maybe ask yourself whether this use of your time is valuable in any way.

Despite the time that has passed between you both since you broke up, a single text from him has your mind spinning… Are you over him enough to be friends?

In reality, his text - or rather the reason behin it - may mean something or nothing. Perhaps he got in touch because he’s been unlucky in love elsewhere and he wants to hook up with you for an entirely selfish reason. But then again, perhaps he really wants to be friends and he simply waited until a safe amount of time had passed after the split.

The bottom line is that, whether you like it or not, you have no control whatsoever over what other people think or do. The one thing you DO have control over however, is YOU. Don’t give up this control by allowing people to create turmoil in your mind so easily.

In short: thinking about his motives is not the best way to spend your time.

If circumstance allows and you create distance, one day you will be able to think of him without much - or any - attachment whilst still remembering your past relationship. Staying friends with your ex may seem like a good option at this point, and it could even turn out to be a good friendship. However, right now it seems that you’re focused on the kind of emotions that should not interfere in a healthy friendship - namely, what his intentions may or may not be.

Your time right now may be better spent with real ’safe’ friends, whilst you get yourself back on track.

You do say you’re not sure what to do… If it felt right, you’d know straight away. Trust your feelings.

Other posts that may help:
* Stop thinking about your ex
* The first step in getting over an ex

My ex wants to be friends "My ex wants to be friends and I'm not...
Sad and lonely after ex girlfriend left me "I feel so sad and lonely its unreal. I...
My ex girlfriend wont speak to me "My ex girlfriend wont speak to me! Me and...
How to say no to an ex girlfriend (or boyfriend) "My ex girlfriend keeps hounding me lately to meet...
My ex girlfriend cheated on me after 5 years "I'm 25 and my girlfriend of 5 years goes...
Forgive someone for cheating? "Can I forgive someone for cheating? What if they...

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Sad and lonely after ex girlfriend left me

admin — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:11:45 +0000

“I feel so sad and lonely its unreal. I am a guy but I just cry and cry every single day… I never felt like this before. I’m out of my mind and I don’t even think I will get over her. I knew this would happen one day. I was better off alone and I wish I’d never met her - it hurts too much and I can’t deal with the pain. I just knew it was going to happen one day. I know I’m a guy but I’m just a weak person… I just hope I can get through this”

Jose says:

To begin with, get rid of this idea or concept that you have where crying is not for guys, or that it means that you’re ‘weak’ or weaker than others. You say you’re sad and lonely… so how else are you supposed to act? Crying is a very clever mechanism - a tool that your body uses to release tension and stress. If you don’t allow your body to function properly, you will be building all kind of stresses within in which could in time lead to a nervous breakdown and worse. So it’s your choice: cry when you’re feeling sad and lonely and release stress or decide that you know better than your in-built mechanisms and end up hooked on heavy anti-depressants…

So, start by getting rid of this idea you have… do this immediately - otherwise, every time you cry or you feel sad and lonely you will be reinforcing the idea that you’re ‘weak’… an idea that you made up yourself. Can you see how this reinforcement will affect you? it will dent your self-concept and drive you down into the depths of depression.

Moving on: you feel down in the dumps right now, but hey… everybody feels sad when this happens to them too!

Allow me to just pick out one thing that your words convey. You say that in the back of your mind you knew this (your ex girlfriend leaving you) was going to happen one day. In other words, it was inevitable.

You also state clearly what you think about yourself: you say that you’re ‘a weak person’ and your whole message seems to be based on this idea.

In the world of marketing there is an idea that the outcome of a meeting is set even before the meeting begins. It follows the ideology that it’s really down to the attitude of the people going into the meeting… the attitude (thoughts and feelings) they take into the meeting. This golden nugget of a concept applies to everything in life. Imagine you’re going ‘out on the town’ with your friends and you start to brood beforehand, dreading the thought of having a terrible night, playing scenes in your mind of the whole night going really badly for you. Well, with this attitude (and belief) how can you possibly have a good time when you go out? You can’t. You’ll have an air of negative expectancy, maybe even constantly scan your surroundings looking for confirmation of ’something bad about to happen’.

They say a chain is as strong as its weakest link… Let me ask you a question: how long do you think anybody can last in a relationship when all they think is: ‘this is not going to last. It won’t last. She’s going to leave me any minute now…’

Do you think that this attitude will affect the way that person acts and behaves around his girlfriend? Of course it will… Do you think that this person can have fun and be in the moment? Doubtful… he’s too busy thinking of his girlfriend leaving him!

So start to get rid of any ridiculous concepts that you have about yourself - make a list if you have to and start to cross them out to make them ‘go away’ - because simply put, you are what you THINK you are. If you think you are a weak person, then this is always going to be the case… you will always act according to that belief. The bad news is that you will act in this way for as long as you tell yourself you’re weak, so if you don’t do anything about this idea this is going to be the way you act for the whole of your life. Is that what you want? Do you think you will attract other women into your life when you act like a weak person is supposed to act? If you were a woman, would you work to get the attention of a guy who acted in this way?

take a good look at yourself and where you are now, and decide who you want to be and where you want to be.
once you’re clear on this, make a plan to get you there.
Then do it.

Don’t come up with excuses as to why you can’t do this and that, and don’t stall by wanting to stay sad and lonely as some kind of justification for staying where you are right now. There are NO excuses when all is said and done. In reality, none of us know what lies head, or what’s around the corner, but that’s no reason to slow down and stop moving forward. Get in gear and and pick up the pace again.

You’re not weak - you’re just human.

My ex girlfriend cheated on me after 5 years

admin — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 09:06:14 +0000

“I’m 25 and my girlfriend of 5 years goes and calls me today and tells me she has cheated on me and she’s leaving me. That’s it. She just hung up on me! Now she won’t answer my calls and she won’t tell me why. I need to know so I can move on”.

Jose says:

In most cases, closure is always nice. As people, we like closure because it allows us to tie loose ends neatly in our minds, no matter how unpleasant they are. Having the facts of why your girlfriend cheated on you allows you to do several things, including:

understand why your girlfriend cheated on you after so many years together
blame your girlfriend for cheating on you (although this can be a denial of your own shortcomings)
learn from previous mistakes, so that you don’t end up in the same situation again

Sadly, we don’t always get closure, and this often creates a great deal of stress and a much wasted time by turning things over in your mind, trying to figure out the reason why she cheated on you in the first place. Thus, we must always be prepared to go on without knowing the real reason or the full facts about the affair.

Now here’s the good news: think of closure as a concept, nothing else. It’s just a way of doing things… but it’s not the ONLY way to do things.

Instead of focusing on not having the facts, be grateful that your ex girlfriend confessed to you that she cheated on you. It’s not always about you - she probably had to deal with her own demons and drum up the courage to tell you, and she may have been too ashamed to tell you everything.

But still, it is a good thing that she told you about the cheating. Period.

Imagine instead if you got to find out about the cheating in a few years’ time. Wouldn’t this be worse? How much older would you be? How much time, money, effort may you have put into the relationship in all that time? Not to mention love and commitments… And what if you had proposed? And worse… she had accepted? All those things would have come tumbling down like a house of cards when you found out about the cheating.

Wouldn’t THAT be a kicker? Wouldn’t THAT hurt? Wouldn’t that be a complete waste of your time - of years that you can never get back?

You can see that, despite how bad things seem right now, there is a lot to be glad about. Whether you get closure or not should really become a secondary thing - it’s not as important as it may seem, especially in the light of what it is you’re dealing with.

So let’s see where we’re really at: your ex admitted that she cheated on you after all these years. Well, the years are irrelevant right now: would you feel differently if she cheated on you after 2 years, or after 6 years? The bottom line is that she cheated on you, so don’t make it about the years - let go of that notion.

Forget also about closure, at least for now. If you do get it one day, then great (maybe) but right now it’s just a distraction you don’t need.

The truth is that her cheating on you may not be related to anything that you think, it may not even have anything to do with you personally - by this I mean that your girlfriend may have cheated on you because she made a bad decision, rather than because of something you did, said or else.

In reality, there’s not much point asking why. Would the answer change anything for you now that you know? Probably not. If so, forget about it.

If on the other hand you think knowing why she cheated would help you in some way, then you should still not expect to be told. You can’t control other people: your ex will tell you only if she wants to tell you, not if you want her to tell you.

Once you let go of wanting to know, you’ll be doing away with a lot of needless stresses. Getting over your ex girlfriend cheating is another thing, but at least you should not be weighed down with useless notions like closure, especially if it’s unlikely that she will ever confess everything.

When you can make it all about YOU, about picking up the pieces and getting back on track - rather than about wanting her to tell you things that are now in the past - then you can start to work on yourself.

Start by looking at all the good points of being single again. Check out the following articles:

Forgive someone for cheating? "Can I forgive someone for cheating? What if they...
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Staying friends with an ex "Is staying friends with an ex a good idea?...

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