Ever think: How long will it take me to get over my ex? You’re not alone - it’s the million-dollar question…
Despite the fact that this is a frequent question, there is of course no right answer. The truth is, how long it takes you to get over your ex depends entirely on you, your attitude, your mindset, the type of relationship you had with your ex, the length of time you were together, the circumstances surrounding the breakup (for instance if she cheated on you then your ego may have taken a big hit and it may take you slightly longer to get over it) and so on.
Having said that, the question itself ( how long to get over an ex ) may not be the real question you need to ask. If you’re having trouble getting over an ex, then you should be asking how do I get over my ex? then it’s after all, what you are trying to achieve - the end goal.
The good news is that you can start putting the past behind you fairly quickly with very little effort - all it takes is a little knowledge.
Getting over an ex girlfriend can take a long time… or not. It really depends on you.
Instead of wallowing in the suffering and mental torment of it all, STOP and ask yourself: why are you actually FEELING like this? By this I mean broken hearted, love sick, like a dog without a bone etc - use your own terms to dress it up any way you like.
You see, when you start to ask yourself questions, you begin to look at your situation and the things that you DO differently.
The reason that you can’t get over your ex girlfriend, is simply this: it’s because you’re thinking about your ex.
It really is that simple.
If you were thinking about apples instead, do you think you would miss your ex girlfriend as much? Well, whilst you were thinking about apples… you wouldn’t be missing your ex AT ALL! You’d be BUSY!
This little hint is the start of it all. THIS is the root of the issue… It’s not that your ex girlfriend has some magical hold on you… it’s simply that you’re thinking about her.
And now for the good news: what YOU think about is down to YOU. You OWN your mind.
The trick… is simply to learn how to use it properly - or in this case, how to control it better.
Start thinking about something else.
I recommend reading the next article: how to stop thinking about your ex. It continues with this issue and gives you the tools to start putting this into action NOW.
How to stop thinking about an ex - this appears to be one of the most searched for relationship and breakup answers. The irony is that it really has nothing to do with relationships or breakups or being dumped… it has to do only with thought management - how you manage your own internal dialog.
Many recently (and not so recently) dumped singles struggle by on an emotional roller coaster because they seem to be unable to stop thinking about their ex girlfriends and (or) boyfriends.
Moreover, many people go on suffering for a long time - needlessly! - because of a very simple but common mistake: by looking for the answer externally. Most people in this position look at the relationship, at their ex partner, at everything… they analyze every detail of what went on, what was said, what was thought… and they play those movies in their mind, time and again, achieving nothing much other than reliving the bad stuff.
The only place you need to look, is inside. The thoughts are originating from the inside.
Wasn’t that easy? OK, so now you know where the thoughts are coming from (you knew this all along… you just needed a little reminder…). The next thing is: how to deal with this - how to actually stop yourself from constantly thinking about your ex.
Easy.
Here’s a golden nugget: you can only consciously hold on to and focus on ONE thought at any one time. So what’s the deal? To stop thinking about an ex - or about anything else! - simply… stop!
Before you say, “but I can’t…” let’s take a minute out from reality and face a few facts.
nobody is making you think your thoughts
you’re thinking about your ex, because YOU are thinking about your ex - not because somebody else is making you think about her or him
The only key step here is to become aware of your thoughts, and to take responsibility for them. They’re you’re thoughts, after all.
Start monitoring yourself, listening out for those thoughts… and as soon as they enter your conscious, replace them.
That’s it.
Find something that works for you to replace them with. Examples are:
a short affirmation (”I am cool, awesome and great”)
white noise (”blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh”)
an unrelated scene from the past that feels good to you
an unrelated scene from the future that feels good to you
nothing
You really have a lot of choices here. Remember, you’re only replacing ONE single thought. There is sound theory behind this seemingly simplistic technique, which shows that the synaptic response in the brain can be collapsed through repetition in exactly the same way that it was created and maintained… by you.
But for now, just accept that this is the way the mind works.
Some people take weeks to get over an ex. Most people take months! Allow yourself to feel relieved at this: you’re not strange in any way. In fact, you’re like most people.
The fact of the matter is that most people have trouble not just getting over an ex, but with accomplishing things in general. And getting over an ex is just that: an accomplishment; a goal; something that you wish to achieve. It is not different then than getting a better job, or learning a new skill (the feelings are, but not the concept).
Once you understand this, the reason why you may be strugging to get over your ex becomes clearer. The fact is that the very first thing you need to do to get over your ex, is to MAKE A DECISION. This is the single most important thing you can do with regards to ANYTHING in life.
The reason why so many people never achieve what they want, is simply because they never made a decision to do so.
Make a decision right now: do you want your ex back, or not?
If you choose yes, then make a plan to help you achieve this. If you choose no, then make a plan to help you get out of this state of mind.
Decide RIGHT NOW that you are NOT going to keep feeling like this. It stops NOW.
Getting back your ex is probably the most experienced desire for most people following a breakup. But of course, wanting to get back with your ex is normally an anxious desire, as opposed to a goal or ambition.
When hoping or wishing desperately to be back with an ex partner, it’s easy to blank out important information and even the obvious.
Stop. Take a minute to THINK a little deeper about what you want. To get back with your ex is the outcome you want, so keep that in your mind as the LAST thing - the end goal if you like. Now take a look at everything else between you and the goal.
Keep in mind this very simple idea: if you broke up because of something that you did - for instance, a certain behaviour - then what do you think will happen if you go back to your ex and present the same old you? Well, if you do this, the deal hasn’t changed (for your ex partner). You’re proposing to re-start a relationship that wasn’t working in the first place.
If the breakup was due to stressful relations between you and your partner, the same idea still applies: if you present the same old you, you’re still proposing to rekindle a nightmare.
It’s not going to work.
Instead THINK about why things turned out the way they did. Think about them and then come up with ways to FIX those issues. How can you change, or what can you do to change this?
Forget at this stage about blaming your ex for the breakup - if you can’t get over those issues, then you shouldn’t be trying to get back with your ex… it will only be a matter of time before those bottled-up issues surface and cause mayhem.
Think abut YOU and the things that you can do to become a better, more together person.
When you do, decide the things you need to do to achieve this: read, study, attend a course or a seminar… whatever, and do it!
Then, when you are a better person, think about whether you still want to get back with your ex. If you do, then go for it.
The important thing is that you will be presenting a different person - not the same old you. This is the way to do it.
To learn more, take a look at the short article on winning your ex back - how to do it.
Following the breakdown of a relationship, many people experience an array of emotions usually associated with the negative. The emotions themselves are neither negative nor positive - they are simply neutral. It’s the individual’s interpretation of the emotions that make them appear positive or negative.
Some of the most common feelings are guilt, loneliness, longing, loss and anger. Some people feel miss their ex so much they grow convinced that they cannot function or live without their ex around. Often times, it is the company and routine that we miss, rather than the person. Be sure to ask yourself if this is the case.
Change the way you feel about your ex. If the relationship is over, then there’s nothing you can do - at least in the short term - so instead of punishing yourself by thinking of what you have lost, instead think of what you have gained.
The fact is that being single - like any emotion - is neither good nor bad; it simply is. In other words, being single is what you think it is. But regardless of what you think or feel about it, the truth is that being single is the same as being free. You are not answerable to a partner any more, which means you can pretty much do what you like.
Use this time wisely. Instead of thinking about how unhappy you are without your ex, realize that you will probably be in a relationship again at some point in the future. That time may be sooner than you think, so what are you doing wasting your free time moping about?
This is the time to hook up with friends; to go on holiday; to visit the places you’ve always wanted to visit and do the things you’ve always wanted to do. This is the time to ‘let your hair down’ and go wild.
Ironically, being on holiday, or somewhere exotic, or out with your friends having a great time, is when your chances of meeting somebody new and exciting at their highest! When you’re happy, others see it and naturally gravitate toward you. Also, when you’re surrounded by friends and having a great time, you’re more open and predisposed to starting conversations with strangers.
Conversely, sitting at home whining about your ex will not create any opportunities whatsoever for you to meet new people.
So start by being glad that it’s over with your ex - the alternative is being miserable about it, and that’s getting you nowhere - and start putting all that free time to good use.
