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i am in a relationship rite nw …its been 2 years… i love him so much but nw i am not happy with this relationship anymore …but i know that i cant live without him… what should i do ? please help me!!
…
what my ex did for me is the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody on earth..she ruined my life, she ruined my education,now i am having health problem just because am thinking about her..the worst part is that she keep telling me she loves me but she wont accept me back..I never cheated on her for once..we had just little misunderstanding and she called it a quit.i cant kill myself just because of love..I am handsome am nice many girl out there want me but i cant just put my head straight for other girls..i gave her my money, i gave her my soul i gave her everything.i was doing everything just to make her happy..i am sure she cheated on me but there is no way i could know cos am a foreigner in her country and i cant speak the language..but God, i still LOVE her..i need help please..i am getting mad..i am shaking all over my body..i cant eat or sleep well..i quit school just because i cant concentrate..and she is out there having fun with another guy..even if i apologize to the devil the way i apologized to her,am sure the devil will accept my apology..i lost my self pride, i lost my self esteem..i lost my dignity..i begged her everywhere possible but she wouldn’t listen.i know my worth.i know i don’t deserve this kind of treatment from her..i cant even talk to girls anymore cos she is everything on my mind..i know its weird to still love her after all this but i still love her with all my hearth.please i need help..i deserve to be happy too.. don’t let me die this way..i am still young with a bright future..
Oh! my God James…if you are still young then look forward to the futute stop thinking of her…She is not the right person in your life…you will realize somedays that God had prepared the best for you in the future.You cannot forget the past but you can put in your subsconscious mind to forget her and think that you can find a better woman than her..I know that its hard to forget someone but be strong and love yourself…wake up…and good luck.
I have been in love with a girl for around 13 months now , we are in kinda distant relationship but we were loving each others like we are close. Around 2 weeks ago , I felt her abit colder , so she told me her feelings faded away and she feels me like a close friend but put in mind that a week before it , we were telling each others every love word you can imagine. She is always thinking about future and lately feels insecure about it. I love her so much and can't forget her or get over her. I would appreciate any suggestion or help, what should I do? should I just end it now and forget all what we had of love and sweet moments together? or should I give her space?, Im totally clueless… :/
hi, we both have been loving each other for almost three years now.. and about a year ago i had got contact of my best friend from school who is a girl… so i introduced her to my lover too… and things got rough because when they contacted, my friend said that “she`s my best friend and still is and always will be” to my lover and this made her angry and possesive as she felt that my friend jus challenged her.. so i promised my lover that i will never contact that friend again to keep her happy…. but this july when i was in facebook i got friend request from that friend of mine and i accepted it… we chatted a bit, but there was nothing wrong in that chat.. even my lover knows that.. but when my lover saw those chats, she says she lost her belief in me… because i broke the promise.. and i had some how managed to convince her that i`m sorry and i won`t let this mistake happen again.. but still she hadnot recovered from that issue.. and she was talking with unhappiness.. after twenty days or so.. she told me that a colleague in her company had proposed her and she needs to get rid of him somehow.. the next day she called me and told that she had informed her colleague that she`s in love with me for three years and we`re gonna marry!!!.. but after three to four days she was saying that she`s still troubled with my past activity and she couldn`t forget that i had contacted that girl..
she told me that she needs time and not to call or message her… still i kept calling her again n again and she won`t speak at all… it was only me who was doing all the talking!! so as days passed by she got irritated with my calls and messages… and she said that she doesn`t have the love for me as before and that she lost the feel!!! i begged her and pleaded with her and tried many ways to get her convinced, i even went to meet her and that made things more worse… she said that she hates me completely and i tried to contact her friends and know about what she`s thinking of me.. tat pissed her away and she got more mad at me..
in the mean while i came to knw that she and that colleague of hers who proposed her were contacting each other and she had lunch with him one day and also gave him a gift without anyone`s knowledge on the day he was going in a project work to USA. he contacted her daily through calls and mails and facebook… but i dunno the extent or the type of their relatonship.. she had unfriended me from facebook too…
when some of her colleagues in company asked her why she was in contact with that guy when she`s gonna marry me?? they also said that its creating a very bad image to her… so she told them that she had mailed that guy not to chat or call or message her… and that she`s sorry that she`s didnt know that people will misunderstand.. she said that she was jus friends with him and there was nothing else..
i dunno whether its the truth or not .. wat she said… coz, she ha been using mail and facebook now in offline mode since her colleagues had inquired her why does she chat with that guy online late nights when there`s only friendship between them??
the daily calls have been stopped from that day… but she`s still using mail and fb in offline mode.. i don`t even know whether she`s still in touch with him.. and she has completely gone away from me too. she attends my call anytime… but still speaks coldly to me.. and says that she doesn`t love me anymore and that love had died…
she said tha her parents are the most important to her and she has completely lost the belief she had in me.. and she oesn`t wanna lose her parents for the sake of me…
please tell me wat i should do??? please…
please for give me for doubting your powers before, because i was thinking how can this be possible. i don,t known how to say thank you, my mouth is full of testimony i can really believe what this spell caster did with is magical powers! thanks for using you voodoo spell to reunite me and my lover back again! after been seperated fora year, what a great spell caster!!! i will tell the world about your wonders…
There's no voodoo… just a systematic approach to an issue, that's all.
All the best
Jose Gonzalez
Ok that my issue, i met a new amazing girl, she young, sexy, and from rich family and she from my own town. Yet i always feel the need to go back to my X, i feel i am hurting people around me and i am hurting myself. I will check this program and see if i can really get over my X once and for all. I want to get to this stage wher ei no longer feel guilty and i can enjoy new relationships
So i have been in two long term relationships. the first of which ending two years ago. it was a summer fling turned into more. well she ended up going away to college (hour drive) and because of that we began to drift apart. now i had no problem with our relationship we were doing fine as far as i was concerned but it got to here and we broke up. she pulled the i want to see other people move but without me knowing and it kinda ended bad. well i took that hard and with my history of migranes things got rough for me. took about 6 months to get over her and see other people. fast forward to now i have been seeing this girl for a year now (also long distance) and were are in love we truely are… yet now i am having those feelings that the distance is getting to me and for some reason i keep thinking about my ex. i have dreams about her and not my current girlfriend. i have an urge to talk to her and see her. what do i do?
Matt…
Behave man. 1 hour is not long distance (maybe if you're crawling over glass it is…)
As for dreaming of your ex… if you dream you kill somebody do you go and turn yourself in?
Your dreams may have been triggered by a deja-vu feeling. You're thinking about the 'long' distance now, and you already have a connection to this though with your previous experience.
So you've rekindled some memories and now they've surfaced.
So what does that mean?
Probably nothing. There's only you here having those dreams, and they are related to your own though patterns.
Get a grip of yourself and bring your head back to the present – if you think what you have is a good thing.
As for the 'long distance…' – change your perspective and your thoughts will change with it.
Jose Gonzalez
Hi there Saad,
Let me ask you: why do you always feel the need to go back to your ex?
You also imply that you feel guilty.
Guilt = need?
Get rid of the guilt, and the need disappears.
Go!
Dears
there is nothing more to say more than what said mentioned before , but breakup hurt , badly , i can not live iam alone , sad ,can not make any mmove in my world and ask why , she was my girl. like sister, classmate , girlfreind , everything , we get separated for 8 years as she was with another one and when she accept to be with me back , 4 months and in very little thing she left me , i told everyone the story to let her come back ,but ofcours she will not , i know it and iam sure , but can not get over , can not , 2 months now it like 100 years ,.no comments or reply will make differant iam just pray to move on ,and after reading all the comments i just donot wana see another comments coz it all go for that there is no way to forget , but u know , i will , i have to , i have to make it like a goal in my life to get over this girl , i just remmeber that next day she went with freinds and liek there is nothing happned at all , she cut all the relation between us , even didnot send sms in my bday .i will fight till i can see her without feeling , it not this easy but i have to fight it till get the success , donot know how , but i think it will be between u and yrself all what u can do , no matter buzy or free , havwe freinds or not , i will fight , wish me luck coz i get the most balck 25 month in my life ,i need everyone belive in god to pray to me to get it over as i will pray for every one to pass this time , sorry if i talk too much but i think all of u will feel what i feel . thanks and wish me luck
John, stop looking outside for the answer.
Download the free sample of my book and start reading. You'll find step 1 has the key to turning things around.
If you don't understand step 1, read it again, and again, until you see it.
Give up the past.
Jose Gonzalez
I have been married but my wife was always angry with me, I felt really bad and unhappy in the relationship. It was very hard to end and I feel guilty about it. I always feel terribly guilty when I do bad things – even though it was unbearable. I was faithful to her but I expected more from my marriage, more kindness and fun. She took it very seriously, to be with her was like being at work. Like doing a job. She is not the fun person I thought she was and I didn't know that I need a fun person.
Then we got divorced and I found the perfect girl. We got almost married but I always put the decision off. I loved this girl and enjoyed being with her. She is a fun person and very good natured. My best friend and she was never angry with me (yet) – as opposed to my ex wife who was angry with me even before we got married. But when it came to decision I felt that I didn't forget my ex-wife, I missed her, I was thinking of her (usually with guilt). She still wants us to be together.
I don't enjoy being with her, I don't love the way she looks, the way she behaves, I love this other girl and still when it comes to saying: I will marry you…I just can't do it. I can't hurt my ex-wife more.
Am I my own enemy? Why don't I let myself to be happy?
Hey Andras
i could be wrong when i say this but. It's normal to still think about your ex when you've been through so much together. But you say so yourself, she didn't make you happy. That is why you ended it. You feel extremely guilty for doing that to your ex and that to me, means that you care about a lot, even though you don't wanna be with her.
It is sweet that you don't want to hurt her anymore, but you should stop feeling guilty.(though i know that's not as easy as i make it sound.. what i mean is, you don't have to feel guilty for the rest of your life..) People hurt each other all the time. It takes two people to be in a relationship and if one of them doesn't feel good in their skin, it is their right so break up. Even if that means hurting someone. Just as much as you have the right to be happy with this new girl. Give yourself time…
as for 'am i my own enemy?' i am reminded of the sentence, 'we are our own worst critic'.. it is not the same, but it comes down to the fact that sometimes we give ourselves a very very hard time.. even though we shouldn't. You hurt someone so you feel like you have to feel miserably as well… that is a good quality, it shows that you're a good person… but you should not let this guilt control your life.
Thanks for chipping in BumbleBee
Andras,
It is normal to feel guilt when you pull the plug on something. There are many levels at which you can feel guilt (we are very complex organisms after all).
At one level, it's normal to attribute some fault to yourself. The sense of guilt in this case would translate into = could I have done more? Did I fail? Did I leave a ship that wasn't sinking?
On a more logical level, your ex was always making you feel guilty, so – like a 'ghost limb' the guilt prevails: your ex wouldn't have taken the blame for the breakup, which only leaves you.
As for getting your feelings back for her – ask yourself this (and be very honest with yourself… – are you seeking your ex's approval?
Finally, lose the 'she's not angry with me (yet) <—– and the 'I am my own worst enemy' attitude.
It reeks of guilt.
You're not guilty. Give yourself permission to drop the guilt.
Jose Gonzalez
hi
i wasn't sure to post my situation here since it hardly seems as serious as some of you have gone through
(and this other forum i looked at thought everything had to do with sex.. so they didn't take it so seriously.. )
I had a bf for almost a year and he broke up with me because he was still thinking about his ex..
This break -up has was 6 months ago. so i'm quite mad at myself that i'm still thinking about him so much.
Almost everyone i know, knows him.. therefore it's hard to not be reminded of him. I don't hate him
and i think that's exactly the problem. I've kept up appearances all this time because i was tired of bothering friends with my lingering feelings and sadness.. but since a few months its all going downhill.. i start crying for no reason, and it doesnt stop.. i have one good day and the next i am worse than ever.
Its hard to see why i get so emotional this long after the break up… i know i'm supposed to move on
Hi Jackelyne,
Yours is a complicated story, with many turns and roundabouts.
One thing that is a constant however, is the fact that the man you speak about doesn't seem settled. Whether something in the environment you create makes him feel unstable – or whether it's something else, the fact remains that he's in and out of your life.
He seems to have fallen into this pattern with other partners too, so it maybe that he's not settled. Many people – especially men – can run away from a stable relationship if it feels like their days are 'numbered'.
Debt also has a very demoralising effect, and he seems to have a few problems to deal with of his own.
That said, you also need to think about yourself. He may settle one day or accept things for what they are, but the real question here is: do you want to wait that long?
Lastly, and by no means least, you say that: "he says he loves me but it is over"
I think you owe it to yourself not to waste any more time on this. If he says it's over, then – for him at least – it's over. It takes 2 people Jackelyne: you can't be the only one in the relationship.
PS Good on you about the NLP.
Jose Gonzalez
wow i have been having NLP sessions love it although it still hurts
but still remined in mine and our daughters life people thought we where still a couple my daughter never met his girlfriend as i could not let that happen ???? anyway eventually i let our daughter stay at their flat anyway 2 weeks later they split up and he moved out into his mates house , we did have a one night stand whilst he was with her but he stayed with her anyway we spent christmas day with each other camping trips whilst he was with her ???
i wanted more i suppose ? he stilled lived with mates but was having money problems in alot of debt was unhappy in his job i had just started college to start my nursing career i put up this wall with him i dont know if was scared because of past experiences didnt know if he really did love me (although he said he had and has always loved me )anyway i pushed him away and i dont understand why well i do but we didnt talk about it properly and as usual he walked away . several months past and as usual we remained fiends but not like old times he eventually lost his job and 4 months ago moved to scotland to stay with his mum(i live in liverpool) i went to the coach the day he left to say no stay but he went 
my situation is slightly crazy hahahahaha we had our daughter nearly 6 years ago (we where together 4 years pior to this) he left when she was 4 months old but we remained friends and i still saw him daily eventually he went back into a relationship with the girl he was with before me ??? for 3 years
when he moved into his mates about 3 months later we decided to just have a pysical relationship 2 months later he ended it
several months went by and eventually i met the first guy ever since whole break up with daughters dad (i know crazy hey)
anyway that fizzled out and my daughters dad remained in my life eventually we got back together and he constantly mentioned this guy i was with he went on and on all the time how it made him feel it was wierd although i finally got what i wanted we where together a family
he came back and stayed for several nights to see his daughter (yes in my house) and we had a good laugh was lovely again he went to scotland and he came and stayed over christmas and i found out he is now seeing a nurse ironically and she has a 8 year old son i feel so sick about it all i have cried none stop he says he loves me but it is over but deep down i know we can make this work i dont know how to move on from this guy my daughters daddy who has been my best friend for 10 years :-~(
?Hi Jackelyne,
Yours is a complicated story, with many turns and roundabouts.
One thing that is a constant however, is the fact that the man you speak about doesn't seem settled. Whether something in the environment you create makes him feel unstable – or whether it's something else, the fact remains that he's in and out of your life.
He seems to have fallen into this pattern with other partners too, so it maybe that he's not settled. Many people – especially men – can run away from a stable relationship if it feels like their days are 'numbered'.
Debt also has a very demoralising effect, and he seems to have a few problems to deal with of his own.
That said, you also need to think about yourself. He may settle one day or accept things for what they are, but the real question here is: do you want to wait that long?
Lastly, and by no means least, you say that: "he says he loves me but it is over"
I think you owe it to yourself not to waste any more time on this. If he says it's over, then – for him at least – it's over. It takes 2 people Jackelyne: you can't be the only one in the relationship.
PS Good on you about the NLP.
Jose Gonzalez
Well…
Me and this guy were together for two months and we were first enemies, then as time went on we became friends. First it was friends with benefits then he became my boyfriend. He was my first. Then we had to break up because his mom didnt want us together. She threatened to take away everything if he didnt dump me. So he decided that he would rather be friends with me than nothing at all. I think he could stick up for our relationship instead of give up. But he says otherwise. Now there is this girl who is all over him and I cant stand it at all. It breaks my heart so much that I dont know if I can be his friend. I said we should take a break from talking. I did it because either she stops clinging to him or I handle things better. I decided to handle things better. Thing is that he knows it hurts me when she clings to him but yet he allows her to continue anyways. I just want all the pain and hurt to stop.
Hey there Jaci,
"I think he could stick up for our relationship instead of give up."
It sounds like he may not have had much of a choice. You say his mum threatened to 'take everything away'.
"Now there is this girl who is all over him and I cant stand it at all."
Jaci, unfortunately, this is something you can't control and therefore it's completely pointless to suffer over this. Fast forward in time: imagine he's 64, and a sweet old lady waves at him from across the street. Picture yourself, aged, sat in a car, watching this, and getting all angry about it… cursing the old lady for even acknowledging him.
Does this sound silly to you? Take away the age gap and come back to the present: this is what you're doing. Don't suffer over who may or may not like it. It's silly, and it's beyond your control. So let it go.
"I said we should take a break from talking."
You shouldn't be in touch with this person – at least not right now.
"I just want all the pain and hurt to stop"
Stop thinking about him, and stop thinking about everybody else that may be thinking about him (it's a total waste of your time). Get your own life in some sort of order, get a small routine you can stick to and break contact – at least until you're stronger.
Jose Gonzalez
me and this kid had a thing for a while..i never thought we would ever date..then he asked me out..i thought he was the one i actually thought i was going to let him be my first. i wass so comfortable with him..then he asked me out..i was at a carnival and my friend got a text from someone that was with my boyfriend and they said this girl was all over him..i called her and bitched her out.. he called me and said he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore so i hung up and ran (i was walking from a carnival with my 2 friends)..he called back andbroke up with me then asked the one girl out..we only dated for 5 days…what should i do its been 5 months and i really love him everyone just seems wrong to me…i reall want him back what should i do??
Time, sushine, time…
i split from my partner 7 mth ago who i am over…10 weeks ago i met someone who also has been single the same amount of time..things were going really well until last week we have broken up as he says he isnt reaqdy because his previous girlfriend took to much out of him and he needs time to himself and that us meeting is completly wrong timing….i am devasted because i fell for him big time….we are going to stay friends and he does have feelings for me was a just rebound girl
Hello Kazbo,
You're making this about you, when it's really about him. He has decided he's not ready – for whatever reason. It's highly likely that he wanted to find a new person that mattered in his life just as much as you did, rather than him seeking somebody out as a 'rebound'.
Hi
i'm so in love with someone, the problem is that she is 10 years older and that she has a boyfriend
but a half year ago we started meeting and such, we kissed and much more. i'm just a boy and she
is a woman. but I feel that we are made for eachother. But i have to forget her because I don't want
to be an obstacle in her evolution in live… you don't have to answer this. it's just i wanted to share my story
i'm f****d up at the moment. Drinking and such. I have a whole life in front of me but a couple of
beers it sounds so soothing. I miss her alot. she's on vacation with her boy… i'm so … ah you know.
i' dont know why I even searched this stuff. anyhow… thanks jose.
You know it's wrong – she's with somebody else.
Let it go.
Good luck.
Jose Gonzalez
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http://get-over-your-ex.com
what if you keep meeting your ex gf wherever you go? how can you avoid this jose?
Hello Lucas,
You can't avoid meeting your ex.
However, meeting your ex wherever you go sounds like more than coincidence…
If you keep meeting your ex wherever you go, and this bothers you, stop going to those places.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
If my first girlfriend tries to become friends again after years and my current girlfriend is not happy about this, what should I do? Whose right?
Ignas,
If you're happy with your current girlfriend, then your relationship box is 'ticked'. Don't introduce a third person if it's going to create a triangle.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
hi,
im having such a crap time.i was with my x for 2 years.he left his wife for me.however,i wasnt sure if he would go back as this sometimes does happen so i kind of backed away and just observed the situation but we stayed intouch.he didnt go back and we properly got together 6months later.with in the first year i lost a really close friend which was hard without my xs full suppoer as hes in the forces.but he did his best to get me through that hard time.4 months later my dad was diagnosed with a tumour and died 7months later.i was beside myself and did everything to hold my family together.i experianced many new emotions and really didnt know how to cope with any of them and kind of went off the rails.i took it all out on him for not being here for me,i would be short on the fone to him yet he would just get nasty with me and everything just spirled and he got nastier and nastier and refused to come to my dads funeral.i was in bits..begging and pleading.even though i would be short with him,i would always say sorry and that i just wasnt coping.then at xmas i found out he was chatting to some girl on facebook.yet he was still intouch with me,he just wouldnt see me.i was in a mess and totally confused.then in january this year the e-mails started of him begging me to go back to him..he was still intouch with this girl but he kept lying to me about it.i was still having nightmares over my dad and everything was now starting to catch up with me.he then told this girl to leave him alone and turned up in tears begging for me to forgive him.i was straight with him and told him i wasnt sure if i could get over how he was when my dad died as well as this girl but i would try and rebuild the trust..however i have got so confused as all the promises he made never happened like him changing his number.i constantly find myself being a total cow to him as i just cant trust.im sure now its comming to an end so why am i the one that seems to want to keep making up with him..could it be that everytime im saying to him that its over that he then keeps talking me round.i just dont know what todo.i clearly love this guy so much yet he gives me no reason to even listen really anymore as nothing ever changes,yet i think i keep going back as he might just sort himself out the next time round.hope this makes sence
Hello Wendy,
It's evident that you had a very tough time for an extended period of time, and you suffered a lot of stress as a result. It's not surprising that you vented out some of that onto your other half.
OK, you say that you're the one making up with him, but you also mentioned that he was back begging you to be with him again, so I'm a little confused when you say it seems to be only you trying.
One thing is clear: this relationship is not going to work unless you let go off the past.
Are you blaming your boyfriend for not attending your dad's funeral out of frustration because he wasn't there when most of this was going on? You have to accept that you partnered with somebody in the forces, and that's also a commitment that he has to fulfill. Him not being by your side as a result of being in the forces is not a fault, it's the combination of decisions, which you were a part of also.
Wendy you were under tremendous stress, so don't blame yourself for anything you said or did to him (just let it go) but accept the fact that you DID say and do certain things which may have caused a divide between you.
Ask yourself: under normal circumstances, how would you and him have progressed?
From what you say, it sounds like he did try to put some time in to help.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Find the best book you can on getting over a bereavement. There are countless self-help books out there, and many are well written and very helpful: most were written by people who suffered greatly and learned many things. They are showing you things that you can do to get back on track with your life, and it's important to set aside some time and read and learn from these books. Don't try healing on your own when there are books everywhere showing you things that may acccelerate things for you by months and even years.
2. Consider your relationship. If you really want to give this a shot, you're going to have to let go of both guilt and blame. You can't progress together and hold him responsible for something that happened to you. This sounds a little blunt, but you have to think about things from the other person's perspective.
3. He may also have to make some changes (the number you mentioned may be one, but don't let a phone number derail your relationship). Instead, MEET IN THE MIDDLE. Talk.
* Realise that whilst you're workign through the healing process, issues may arise and may affect your relationship day to day. Concentrate first on healing over your loss. If your other half wants you, he will understand that there are things you have to take care of in your mind first, and he will also understand that he may have to be a little patient for a while – but you need to tell him this.
Now, heal first.
I wish you all the best.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
i am having a hard time gettin over him and miss him like crazy. i i have known him for 5months we have been a couple for less than 3 months. he is 38 and i am 25.
i broke up with him because he was not willing to call me on the weekends when he was on his motorcyle with his friends to tell me when he could not make plans… I would be home waiting for him and then i would have to call him to find out that he could not get back in time. oi asked him several times just to call me if u cant make it… and he didnt do it all the time.. so i started to realize a sort of pattern and i automaticaally saw that he could have been cheating on me adn lying to me this whole time. i was so trusting and he took it for granted. then the biggest thing that sort of comfirmed it for me was when he went over a week without being intimate with me… (not normal for us because we we normally intimate at least 2-3 times a week if not more)… i asked why and he told me that he is tired and joked that he is old… when it continued i asiked if things were ok and he toldme he was not happy with himsellf that he wanted to be bigger and alwasy wanted to do some procedure to enlarge it. I realized that that was such bull and i cant believe that i actually listened to that.
my hardest thing i am dealing with is getting over the fact that he cheated on me. even though we were broken up i wanted to see if he was actually at home on the weekend like he said he always was. I was out with my friend who lives nearby him and it was almost 1am and we drove by and his car was not there…. that killed me because that basically told me that was whagt he had been doing the whole time. What is crazy is that i was with him at night at least 5 days a week so i was thinking when and how could he have done this,…
what i am most upset ab0out is that i go to the gym (this is where i met hiim) i know his work schedule (he is a truck driver) and mondays are his early days.. he usually goes around 6 30 to the gym. so i went later to avoid him at 8pm… I get there and he is there… he didnt even look at me… i didnt look at him but he didnt even look affected he looked like it was nothing to him… how could be so in love with me … telling me how much he loves me and wanting me ot move in with him to not even noticing me?
Hello Shauny,
First of all, you decided to break off the relationship. It's over. Whatever happens afterward has nothing to do with you any more. You need to accept this.
You had a reason to end the relationship: according to what you say, he wasn't considerate to let his other half know his movements, and especially in the situation you describe, that was pretty selfish behaviour.
So it's over.
Whether or not he cheated on you is not known. But it sounds like you're looking for confirmation of this in his actions. The issue here is that you're using his current actions to determine his past actions.
If his car wasn't outside his house at 1 a.m. after you broke up with him, this doesn't mean that his car wasn't outside his house at 1 a.m. when you were in relationship with him. You know that makes no sense whatsoever. For all you know, have been around male friends drowning his sorrows.
Either way, it's over, so it doesn't matter.
Shauny, you need to let go and stop acting like he still your partner. You need to stop looking for confirmation that he didn't love you or that he cheated on you, and stop interpreting his actions (whether he looks at you or not) as ways of confirming that he didn't about you.
And for a stress-free life, change your gym.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello
Thanks for the tips and the book has been helping me along with getting over my break up. However, I cant seem to stop myself from replying certain memories from my relationship. Plus I keep going over what I could have said, what I should have said, what I could have done differenly. I am basically re-living my relationship but not as it happened- but in terms of it SHOULD have happend. For example, my ex and I had a heated argument via e-mail and text a little before we broke up. I called her all sorts of horrible names for leaving me. I was hurt and angry and it was the only thing I could do- I just really lost it. Now I find myself thinking about what I should have done instead so, for instance- instead of sending obseneties I should have calmly told her how she made me feel and what she did to me by leaving me.
How do I actaully stop doing this. I feel that this is really impeding my recovery.
Thanks
Kam
Hello kam and thank you for your question.
You are engaged in a reflex behaviour, and you're stuck in a loop.
Generally with this type of behaviour, one of the reasons people can't seem to stop them is because they haven't actually stopped to consider what it is that they are doing and why.
Have you asked yourself: what is it you're trying to achieve by replaying the past?
You can collapse this type of thought behaviour in a number of different ways. You can even replay the event and put an end to this scene in your mind, and accept it as the final scene, then you will have no need to replay it.
The above is a way of reframing the past.
On the other hand what you seem to be doing is wondering what may have happened had you acted differently. You're placing a question mark right in the middle of this scene, and this is making it open ended.
Accept what you said. If you were out of order (and it sounds like you may have been) then take responsibility for this, and learn from it.
Now you know what NOT to do.
You can try and actually apologise for what you did in some form or another. There is no shame in saying sorry when you're wrong.
In most cases, apologising can lift the feeling of guilt off your shoulders, especially the apology is accepted.
Once you voice your apology, you'll probably find that these thoughts stop altogether.
The bottom line is: take responsibility for what you said.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I hate my ex. I am not sad, I am not pining for her, I just hate her. She was the first girl that I really cared about everyone before her were just on-off girlfriends or girlfriends that I was not that emotionally attached to but this girlfriend was the one that mande me change my ways and really fall for her.
I met her when I was not looking for a relationship, I was actaully just hanging out in a coffee shop and becuause t was busy, she sat next to me and we struck up a conversation. It was great, we chatted for hours about evreything. I think I fell in love with her a little then. So from then on we were inseprable. We dated a lot, we did everything together and in six months I asked her to move in. I did not want to be without this girl.
But this is where everything went very very wrong. She was NOT like the sweet lovely girl that I fell in loe with. She was a monster. She was SO MESSY, a completee slob. She was also very eman, every day she would shout at me for various things such as not taking out the trash (ironically) or for not doing the chores. It was my house and she was shouting at me for not doing things. Then it jus got ridiculous. I coudlnt hang with my friends and they were not allowed around here, then it was like dont do this dont do that. Then I had to like not speak to my brother becuase according to her he was hitting on her. Which is not true becuase my bro is happyily married to a normal sane woman. Then it was more drama with her her best mate who she said had to stay around my house which i didnt liek becuase her mate was like always out and about at all hours of the day.
Finally it became too much when she insisted that we had to move to another state becuase she did not like living here anymore. I love it here, its where I grew up and my friends and family are here and she was like arguing with me everyday for me to move to some other state that not even she had ever been too.
So I told her to leave and she wouldn't so that took up like another six months and she finally just left. I hate that woman and I can not get over her. I am just so angry all the time.
What can I do? I am afraid that this anger will be harmful to me and also any relationship I might have.
Hello L42 and thank you for posting.
Rewind.
You say you made your ex girlfriend in a cafe, and that after talking to her for a few hours, you think you fell a little in love with her.
And now she is your ex girlfriend.
With just that bit of information I would tell you that the foundation for your relationship was not solid. Despite what you may want to believe, the fact is that you didn't know your ex girlfriend well enough after a few hours, and by falling in love you seem to be saying that you were already turning a blind eye to what she was telling you, and listening only to what you were telling yourself.
Confirmation of this is in your next paragraph where you say: "She was NOT like the sweet lovely girl that I fell in love with."
It is unfortunate that she turned out to be a monster, as you say, but this is not her fault: she was already a monster when you met her. You just didn't invest in the time to find out.
Perhaps this is the root of your anger: the fact that you invested time on a poor choice.
I have to point out that midway through your rant you say: "It was my house and she was shouting at me for not doing things."
This indicates a chink in your perception and this is something that you may want to look at. It stopped being your home when you decided to share your life with another person: you don't get to share the bits you need help with and keep what suits you to yourself.
Perhaps some of the tension in the relationship was due to your attitude. Ever thought of that?
I'm not going to comment on the brother thing and on the friend thing, but it's not beyond the realms of possibility that this was a strategy that would allow het one day to suggest the move to a different estate.
Perhaps your ex saw this as a way of starting afresh, with a blank slate, in a place that you had no attachment to.
You told her to leave, and it sounds like she didn't want to. Perhaps she didn't:
perhaps she was just trying to 'get' you.
I don't know the full details of your relationship, and of course it could be that she really was the monster you describe. But I don't have her side of the story, and I don't know whether her behaviour was the result of building resentment because of your attitude towards your idea of 'sharing'.
Two things I recommend:
1. Get your head around the idea of a healthy relationship.
2. Get to know the person you are about to spend the rest of your life with.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey
I need to get over my ex. I have been following the steps but I have small doubts about if she might have actually been the one for me…She was my first love so there must be something to that right?
Hello Hey,
On the one hand you say you need to get over your ex; on the other you're trying to find ways to justify that she may have been the one for you.
The reason you can't get over your ex is because you haven't decided to: you're caught between two thoughts.
I suggest you download the free sample (right had side of the page) and read the step 1 – this will get you past this stage.
As for your ex being the one… this may be so, but you can't base this on the fact that she was the first person you met.
Do you always get things right the first time?
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello I really need help. I just cannot get my ex out of my head.
He was my first love, I adored him and he was the love of my life. It really was like I had met my soul mate. Everything was going great until he sort of cheated on me. I wanted to forgive him, I really did and tried to get my trsut back in him as did he but I just could not let go of the feelings of hurt and betryal that I felt when I found out. It was like the ONE person who was meant to be true to me and protect me from the crap turned around and stabbed me in the back.
So its been like a few years since we parted ways. We had some contact initially after we broke up but after that it died down and for the remainder of the two or so years I havent had any contact from him bar a few texts which I never responded. Now suddenly, I have started to miss him. I keep wondering what if I had been with him and forgiven him. I dont know I am just so confused right now and I do not know what to do.
Do I get back into contact wtih him to see how he is and go from there? I am not in a relationship but I do not know if he is and if he is I dont think I can take it.
Tammy
Hello Tammy,
You say your ex 'sort' of cheating on you. This isn't very specific. Is 'sort of' how you see it in your mind?
Either way it sounds like you're really hurt about what happened.
The fact that you're suddenly missing your ex after all this time suggests that something may have triggered this response – an event, a memory, even something indirectly related.
However, how you choose to deal with this is entirely down to you.
You're wondering about ifs. Let me ask you this: if you were living the life you want to live right now, in the ideal situation, and you were happy, would you be wondering about the ifs then?
The fact that you're wondering about the ifs has more to do with your current situation than with your ex. What you're really asking is: would your life be better now if you had forgiven him?
Don't confuse the two, and don't get stuck in a rut wondering about the ifs, because to a lesser degree this is making somebody else (your ex) responsible for how your own life has turned out up to now.
It sounds like when you ask yourself about the ifs, you are only considering positive outcomes. Although you don't voice the thoughts in your mind, you imagine – or almost assume – that if you had forgiven your ex, things may be better for you now.
Have you considered the opposite? What if you had forgiven your ex and now your life was ruined?
What I'm trying to point out here is that you don't know where you'd be right now if you had forgiven him. So stop asking yourself this question, because there's no answer to it.
As for getting in touch with your ex: once again this is entirely up to you. Nobody can tell you what the outcome of this will be.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Im having a really hard time letting go of my ex.. she did everything wrong and completely and utterly messed with my head to the point where i thought that Iw as going mad or that there was something wrong with me.
i fianlly got my clarity and got my closure when I broke up with her especially when her best friend and MOTHER told me the best thing to do would be to let go of her as she was messed up.. So why can't i stop thinking about her? she cheated on me, slept with more than two other guys, lied to me about pretty much everything, flirted constantly with any other guy that gave her attention but everytime i was with her it just didn't matter..i miss that girl i met initally the person that I thought she was.. not the girl she is.. before her i didn't care about any other girl and the first girl i care about does this.. I can't help but wonder the what ifs.. what if she changed, what if she still loves me, what if I stayed would hse have changed, could I have changed her? she was engaged before to a guy that she loved deeply which was a huge red flag but she said that it was over.. its just so many things and im still so upset. all she did was manipulate me and i still care. i don't know what to do anymore its really bothering me. please.. please any advice would help
Hello Jack,
You say you miss the girl you thought you met initially, not the girl she really is.
What you're saying really is that you invented a person that she never was.
Realise the meaning of this. Most people do this to some level – it's called filling in the blanks. When you don't know enough about somebody's personality, if you like them you tend to fill in the blanks with qualities and traits that resonate well with you.
On the other hand, when you don't like somebody you fill in the 'unknowns' with qualities that resonate badly with you – even your own. This is otherwise known as projecting.
Jack, the person you're missing doesn't exist. Stop projecting that persons' qualities onto your ex.
You mentioned that she was engaged before you came along. Don't fool yourself into thinking that this is a red flag. It's not. However, it's completely irrelevant here – you're just adding noise to your mind.
Your ex cheated on you, she lied, she manipulated you, etc… and you miss her.
Ask yourself: do you like being treated like a doormat? I don't think you do. But I do think you're fantasising about your dream girlfriend and dressing up your ex in those thoughts.
As for her changing… listen to her mother.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
hi,
My ex has been around for a few days and I think I am starting to fal for him again. He was married to a woman for ten years or so but a year ago he left his wife for me. WE were together for four months- but then he left and decided to make it again with his wife. He felt he owned it to her to do so- and that was that. I don't think he really loved her to be honest.
So a few weeks ago I get a text from him. I didn't even know it was him at first because I had deleted him number -I was trying hard to get over him and needed no reminders. So he texts me and I ask him what he wants and he says he just wants to talk. So we met up for lunch near where he works and had lunch. We had a good time. We met up a again a few more time, in public and then last night he came over after work to talk to me about possibly rekindling the relationship. This time he would leave his wife he said.
What should I do? He did not leave the first time, but I need help?
Hello PJ,
What you're asking here is what will your ex DO.
This is something nobody can answer, not even your ex.
The answer is in the future.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
me and my ex were together from since schooldays 4 atleast 10 years,and some way along the line i hurt her leading her 2 go with my sister boy friend because they to was having problems,i still love her i care 4 her,very much,and i want us 2 get back to gether.wht should i do.should i move on,
Hello Jason,
I'm not sure I fully understand your story.
However, you're asking should you move on, right after you clearly state that you want to get back together with your ex.
Well, don't move on just yet. Try to get back together. It's what you said you want.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
im no i am asking much but i need ah little assitance in where 2 start how do i go about wining back her trust and her love..
Hello Jason,
OK – now we're getting somewhere: you want to get back with your ex (not move on).
Read this article first, to understand the mechanism at work here:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/how-to-get-back-your-…
Then, you're going to have to talk to her (and I don't mean talk to her like you're trying to convince her that you're a good guy, but rather SHOW in some way that you are better than the old you).
I do recommend reading How to get over your ex, as it contains the steps to rebuilding your personality and outlook in a way that will change you very positively and affect others around you.
Alternatively, start looking at other self-development books out there to help you achieve your goal.
Undersntand one thing: you can't convince your ex to get back with you. You can only present your best 'self'.
Having said this, if you don't present your best self, your chances of attracting the other person are a lot less.
The key is change. Change for the better. Think of a new, better, more improved you.
Put yourself in your ex girlfriend's shoes Jason, as LOOK at you. Imagine and SEE how you need to be and act in order for this person to accept you and even be attracted to you more.
Give that a go!
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
okay i will give tht ago cause i really want 2,thanks
My girlfriend and I have been together for about seven months. We fell in love qucikly right away. Everything was going great; except for the fact she constantly communicated with her ex.He was very important to her as she thought that one day they would get married.. They were together for over two yrs and then he suddenly broke up with her so that he could date another girl. This left her broken.
During the time we have been together I have given her everything. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves me, but I always felt she was holding back not loving me as much becuase deep down in her heart the other guy was still there.I recently brought up the issue of her talking to her ex. Explaining I felt it was not right if we were in a loving, committed relationship. She said that they were friends, nothing more and she loved me. I had nothing to worry about. I felt- actually I knew- this wasn't entirely true, but I also knew she loved me and I didn't want to be like a jealous boyfriend. I figured I'd show her some confidence in us and told her I would be okay with her talking to him just as long as she was honest and open with me about it. She agreed.
She went to visit her parents a few weeks back. Her ex lives in the same town where they grew up. I found out they talked every day while she was there. I talked/texted her everyday while she was there and spoke with her until about 11 pm every night On the last day however she was there she told me she was meeting a friend for lunch but ended she actaully met up with her ex. I found out and asked her how lunch went and she flat out lied and said it was great that her and her friend Stacy had lots of fun.
I confronted her about the truth and and first she was angry at me!. Demanding to know how I knew and how I did not trust her and tuff. She then called back 5 minutes later to apologizing , saying she loved me and didn't want to lose me. That she had to meet him for lunch to "see if she still had feelings for him." I dont understand why she needed to know this. As far as I am oncerned if she is with me then she doesn't have feelings for anyone else, let alone go and check (or even create them).
I told her I needed time to think and didn't speak to her for two days. Two of the hardest days of me life. She constantly called and text and emailed me during those two days begging me to call her or text her so that we could work it out. Now I was the love of her life. She told her ex that she never wanted to speak to him again, and apologized over and over for breaking my trust. She said she'd do anything to keep me. That all this made her realize I am the man she wants to be with and marry. I did not reply to this or anyhting that was in her texts and e-mails.
When she flew back in we had a long discussion at which point I said it was over and she literally fell on her knees and begged me to stay. Which was ironic seeing as she couldnt really love me fully before and now here she was on her knees. After many hours of thinking (plus the two days) I decided to give it a shot. Under certain conditions. She NEVER speak to him again. No calls/texts/ not even old photos she had of him. They all had to go in the trash. She agreed to all of my conditions.
However nnow I find her crying and very depressed. I left her again. I don't know what to do now. I miss her and love her but I don't know if I can be second best to that guy.
help me.
Hello Sammuel and thank you for your post.
Don't be the second guy.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Good idea to re date an ex? Im male, was wit her for two years broken up for 4 and recently got in touch. She has a kid now- thats a bit off but shes still the same.
Hello DC,
I'm not sure if she's the same, as you put it, but if you want to date your ex, and your ex wants to date you, then I don't see what the hold up is.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
say you cant get over your ex does that mean it was true love. like, if you have been getting over an ex for two years but you cant do it does it mean that she was the onefor me?
i was with a girl for a few years and then i left but now i cant get over her-is this true love
Hello Hari,
Many smokers say they can't get over smoking. Does this mean they're in love with this habbit?
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
NOt really it just means that you are not good at getting over people.
IT may also be a case of wanting what you cannot have.
Why did you break up? I went through this myself with my ex- I felt I could not go on with out him after he left.
My gf and I have been together for a while now but she left me a month ago for many reasons. However, she is part of my work team and thus we have to see each other. The problem I have is that it looks like she is starting to flirt with and date another guy in the team. I do not want her back- I know this for sure, but it is not helping that she is moving on and I am not. I dont want to see her being happy when I am so miserable.
Joe
Hello Joe,
it is unfortunate that your ex is now part of you work team, but perhaps there is a way in which you can get out of this team or join another (if this is an option). Most people are reasonable and if you explain your situation (not in any great detail) I'm sure you can get a transfer.
It doesn't sound like she's acting professionally if she's flirting with some guy at work, and in the team. However, this will be her own doing (and even undoing).
The bottom line is that it has nothing to do with you now and you should NOT be feeling jealous that she may be happier than you (or anything else).
Move on,
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I just found an email in my husband's inbox from his ex-girlfriend thanking him for remembering her b-day and that he made her laugh by sending her an e-card on her b-day.
I have always felt as if he stills has feelings for her and that he always remembers her for any little insignificant reason. When he hears a song, or just memories of them that he reminisces about.
Am I crazy for thinking this is wrong? I also feel that if he keeps contact it is because he still has feelings for her?
And if he does should I give him this book?
Hello Valerie,
I don't suggest giving your husband my book, simply because he hasn't asked for it. It doens't sound like he's trying to get over his ex.
Sending your ex a birthday card, in and of itself, is not wrong. However, when you have a partner in your life, it is innapropriate.
Some people will argue against this and try to convince you that there is nothing wrong with this, that it's civil or harmless etc. But these are what I call the 'top layers' that people operate at. Think of it as 'the webs we weave'.
Without getting too deeply into social layers, if you feel at a gut-level that this is wrong, it very probably is.
You have a choice. You can leave it or you can express to him how you feel about this contact. Remember that you're supposed to be the special person in his life.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I know how you feel. My bf keeps in contact with his ex. Not all of them, just one of the ex's. I am really uncomfortable with it. They e-mail a lot and talk on IM almost evry weekend and sometimes when I cant get online at the right time, he would be talking ot her although he always says he blocks her when I come on.
I have told him that it makes me feel bad but his reply was that if he does not see her or text/call her then it is no big deal.
I have looked on his pc in the chat file and they talk about moslty general things, but sometimes he confides in her about probelms he has (about US!!!) and tells her he misses her and stuff. He also calls her a nick name.
I really feel for what you are going through and the best thing to do would be to talk about it and tell him how he feels. He does not need the book, that would look like an insult ot him
Hey,
I am feeling very low at the moment. My wife and I legally seperated a few weeks back. It just was not working out but of course she is living at home with me becuase of our sons. However, she ahs started to go out with her friends and one night she never came home. I didn't ask her where she was, we set out ground rules before the separating so that we would live as individual as if we were sharing a home like we are flatmates. But it still hurt, and i am anxiously up wondering where she is and what she is doing.
What can I do?
Terrance
Hello Terrance,
It sonds like you still care about your wife. You're not in an ideal situation, but neither is she.
If you feel this way about her, why don't you tell her? She may feel the same way. Right now you don't have her as a wife, so you have nothing to lose (if this is how you feel about her).
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
broke up with my ex over 3 years ago, since then we both got married and have different lifes, i really thought i've gotten over her but we met up last week and boy was i wrong! All the feeling just rush back to me like as if we just broke up yesterday! I felt horrible and weak! Of course she's having a great life now and dont even care about me. It's like 3 years worth of effort of trying to forget her all went down the drain! I'm not sure what to do, so embarassing.
Hello Waza and thanks for posting.
The ancients told us that the mind and and body are connected, and they didn't mean physically. At the most basic level, you can make yourself feel good and bad, with your mind.
When you do something that's not wholly appropriate, you can generate feelings of guilt, and worse.
You don't say why you split up with your ex, and perhaps you should have considered your feelings a little closer before you committed to a new relationship.
Still, this is all done and you have a wife now.
You mention that you 'met up' with your ex. I'm not sure of the context in which you mean this, but if this is something that you're doing outside of your marriage, then this is clearly not a good idea: she's your ex for a reason (aside from this being higly immoral, of course).
You say you felt weak and this is embarassing to you. Well, don't put yourself in this position again. If this is a business 'thing', get out of it. Your life comes BEFORE your business.
If you need to remind yourself of why you shouldn't put yourself in this position, REMEMBER the feeling of embarassment.
Lastly and by all means not least: why are you even thinking that your ex has a better life than you? And that she doesn't care about you?
Waza: you got married. Step up to this responsibility and stop thinking that your ex doens't care about you, because this has nothing to do with your life now. Stop looking over the fence. When you start concentrating on the woman YOU chose, then you'll stop feeling weak.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I was with my ex for 2 years & 1 month. broke up in jan 08 and im still not ova him. . unfortunately theres still a bit of hope left that we will get back together,
my problem is i cant let go. i know i have to but i just dont want to have to forget him and the things we had together. i still think of him every single day.
Hello Krissy,
You say that "unfortunately theres still a bit of hope left that we will get back together"
I not sure if you meant to write the opposite there.
Next, you say that you don't want to forget your ex and the things you had together. Then why are you trying?
I'm not sure if you're saying this is a problem for you, or that you THINK you have to forget your ex because this is what you believe. Getting over somebody is entirely up to you – if it's not actually causing you any suffering, then there's nothing you need to do.
Do clarify your statements if this is not what you mean.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I miss my ex how do I get back my ex?
she and i dating for seven yers and then she left coz i didnt spend time with her now i want to spend time with her but i cant what do i do to get my ex bk?
Hello jonni,
It seems you didn't make the most of it then.
Learn to appreciate the things you have…
WHEN you have them.
If you want to get your ex back, check out this article first:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/how-to-get-back-your-…
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
the best way to leave someone with the least damage? I am with this girl like three years and I need to get out of this relationship, otherwise it will ruin my life. I need to do it but I don't want the confrontation and all that how do I leave? help me a out plz
Jaz
Hello Jason.
If you're certain that this relationship is going to ruin your life, then you must get out. However, you can't slip out of the back door after 3 years.
There WILL be a confrontation (not necessarily a bad one). Thats the COST of breaking a contract Jason.
Do it.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
How do I fall out of love. My ex hurt me pretty bad-She was e-mailing and texting someone behind my back. I do not know if she was seeing him but the e-mails and texts that I read made my sick. I hate e-mails now.
How do i stop loving her, it hurts so bad.
Hello Corlis,
What you describe seems to be happening more and more these days: cheating on Facebook and Myspace and other social media sites is a gorwing issue for many reasons I won't go into here.
You're welcome to check out this excellent article by a guest writer on the subject of Facebook cheating: http://www.get-over-your-ex.com/facebook-cheating.html
What she describes here is the same as your story: it's your partner communicating (sharing emotional energy) with somebody else other than you. This is why you feel the way you do.
It looks like you're past Step 1. I recommend you download the sample if you haven't already and read all of it – there's a lot more in there that goes beyond Step 1.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Just wondering what to do if you do not love your wife anymore but you are still married. I want to get over her now. But I do not want to break the relationship as we are too involved -have a house, kids etc. I do not dislike hr, in fact quite the opposite. I like her a lot. She is a great person but I am not in love with her anymore. We used to date and it was amazing, fireworks the highs of a new romance and now eight years on it is boring. She has not changed exactly its just that we do boring things, like clean the house and take the kids out etc. Its not like it used to be. I want to get over her as I am attached to her. will this book help?
Cleaning the house and taking the kids out is boring for you…
You mean you have to clean the house that you bought? And take out the kids that you made? Man that sucks!
Take 1 tablet of responsibility every hour on the hour, and a relatity check every morning when you get up, and every night before you slip into bed.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Thanks for the tips they helped. I have been trying to carry them out as cloesly as I cud.
My girl left me last week for some other dude and I am totally cut up.
Hello H.09 and good to hear you're putting the tips to work. You'll find plenty of the articles in here useful too (click on the Blog button).
It's only been a week, so keep at it and stay strong.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
hi
I really hate living with my ex. She is really inconsiderate but at the moment we both have no option but to continue living here together even tho we brok up like weeks ago.
how do I go about healing myself when she is around?
Hello Zeke.
You already think she's inconsiderate 9and probably worse) so it doesn't sound like you need to get over her. If you're talking about healing in terms of self-esteem, then you're going to need some space and time).
As for the being inconsiderate: your ex is just another person now. You're living with an inconsiderate person, so come to an agreement that works for you both (or at least that makes things a little better) and make plans to move out ASAP.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Recently I heard my ex got married and to be honest I just cannot get over this. I have not thought about him six years but when I did hear I was totally heartbroken. He never asked to marry me I do don’t understand why when I was with him we had a house and we lived together for three years.WE both bought the house but I handed my half over to him (yeah I know stupid) and then moved out. I just wanted a pure clean break.
My current relationship is the pits. I am treated like less than an enemy.The person I'm with wont even hug me, hold my hand or even talk to me very much. He is either busy with his friends, his tennis or just watching stuff.
I have a feelings that I keep thinking about my ex becuase my life is not going so great. I feel like a loser. My ex didn't want to marry me and now this guy is treating me like crap.
I’m also seriously thinking about leaving as the ONLY time he is nice to me or seems animated is when I do things for him like buy him presents or give him money which I do a lot of because he is mostly broke.
What do I do?
Hello Sally Ann,
To start with, get rid of the guy in your life right now: he's hurting your self-esteem in more ways that you can see. If you were in a happy relationship right now, would you be feeling like a loser?
The strain of your current relationship is making you find ways to justify (to yourself) that it may be YOU that's the issue. This is why you're making a connection with the fact that the previous boyfriend didn't marry you. This connection exists only in your head, Sally.
Be alone for a while. Do things you enjoy (watching a funny film by yourself will lift your spirits like you wouldn't believe).
You need to be with somebody who makes you feel good. Don't settle for less.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi,
Stop being the man in the relationship. You need to take care of yourself and let men chase you. Unfortunately you are like mom to this guy right now. Is that what you want? No, you want to be loved by a real man who cares for your emotions and provides financially. Break it off clean, this relationship will only get worse. I have good news for you though!! As soon as you get on your own, start to love yourself and men will flock to you that will love you too. I have been successful of this in my own life, extremely unexpectedly amazingly successful, that's why I'm passionate about advising on you on what I mentioned. If you would like further coaching and success with this let me know.
Peace and love.
Hey will this book be helpfl to gals?
I need 2 gt ova ma ex man and need help?
thx
Tanni
Hello Tanni,
There are plenty of women who have read this book and used the steps in it to turn their lives around. I've added some testimonials from them in the Reader's Comments and on this page – (scroll down and read the yellow boxes):
http://get-over-your-ex.com/how-to-get-over-your-…
The only reason this book was originally targetted at men is because I can't claim to be able to see things from a female perspective. However, I'm pleased to say that the advice in the book is evidently universal and is helping as many women as men.
Download Step 1 (it's free) and you can get a taste of the book and what it can do for you.
Best of luck.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I dated a girl for 5 years. She would leave me for other guys for attention from someone new. She absolutly loves the attention Then she would say she misses me and how they can not compare, and I would get back together with her again. This happend six times. EAch of the times we broke up, she started the new thing with the guys while we were still together, which was a little upsetting because she was cheating on me. And each time we broke up it would be for about a few weeks a month at most.
I was am very hurt by this behaviour and the last time she did it, she broke my heart, and I didn't talk to her until about 4 days ago. I have never had feelings for any other girl, and don't want to have feelings for anyone else. The one day she e-mailed me and said she misses me and that I am not like her new guy.When she said that, I caved and told her that I miss her everyday.
WE then started taling again mainly via text and email Then one day I asked her to come round for a film she did and then spent the night. I don't know if she's with someone or not, but she told me we can't have a relationship at the moment. But she also tells me that she thinks we will one day get married and have kids. I'm really confused as what to do and think and feel. She wants a long term future it seems but right now she does not want to be with me.
I want to be with her more than anything, and would wait for her until the time is right and she feels rady to be with me, but I also know that this wouldn't be fair on me.
Any advice will be great.
Thanks
Hello Alex.
Let me reiterate your message, just to point some things out:
"I dated a girl for 5 years. She would leave me for other guys…"
My advice: Dump her.
"…for attention from someone new…"
My advice: the reason here is irrelevant. She left you for other guys.
"She absolutly loves the attention…"
My advice: there's something inherently wrong with this behavior, and usually nothing good comes of it.
"Then she would say she misses me and how they can not compare, and I would get back together with her again".
My advice: you get rid of something for something better, then you realise your first thing was the best, and you go back to it. You DON'T make this mistake SIX times. She's using you until something better comes along. The promise of marriage is a way to lock you in and the claim that she can't be with you right now gives her all the freedom she wants.
"This happend six times".
My advice: what are you still doing here?
Alex, you're her plan B. Get out of this. Now.
Take a look at this article.
http://get-over-your-ex.com/my-ex-treated-me-badl...
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I have a friend who is in love with his ex- how do I help him?
Will the book help him?
Hello Tody,
What is it you want to help your friend with? Do you mean you want to help him get over his ex?
Yes that's what the book does. Point him to it and he'll thank you.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
What do I do after three years and I still can not get over her?
I left because I felt that I had other things to do. I needed to spend more time doing things that mattered to me and this meant that I had no time for her- so I thought it would be fair to leave and do what I needed to do. I did not think that it would be THIS hard to get over my ex.
I miss her everyday, and although I have tried to date again I still can not bring myself to love someone else like I did her. What do I do?
1. You left because you felt that you had other things to do.
2. You needed to spend more time doing things that mattered to you.
3. You had no time for her.
4. And now you can't get over her…
Make better decisions.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey there
My husband is an ass. He left me becuase he wanted to travel and I said that it might be hard what with two kids and all so he just left. I have not started divorce proceedings, should I or wait til he gets back and then ask what in gods name he was thinking.
He just booked a ticket to vegas and left. He DID ask but I cant just drop everything and go. Why did he do this and WHAT should I do?
I need help dealing with all this emotion. Mainly anger at his stupidity.
Hi Claudia,
From what you write, it sounds like your husband is not much of a team player. You don't give much in the way of details so let me ask: what's his side of the story?
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey y'all
I have a question about a long distance relationship. I am currently in one at the moment. She lives in the UK and I live in the States. We have never really met but we chat every day and I love her lots. However, its been two years now and because of one reason or another we have not been able to meet up.
I love this girl very much, but I do not think I can go on. I know that sooner or later we WILL meet up but I don't think I can put my life on hold like this for very much longer. I have been faithful toher for two years- but I do not think I can do it anymore.
I want to breakup with her but I think I will perish without her contact. We text, e-mail chat and mes EVERYDAY, for hours on end. In fact we have done since the beginging. I have never felt like this about anyone so what do I do. wait patiently, untill we meet and go from there or breakup with her and find a more 'normal' gf?
Tommy
Hello Thomas,
You've been talking to this girl for 2 years?
You have 4 weeks max to get your butt on an airplane. Plan ahead with her and stay at least 4 days.
Go.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi
My ex has moved on. Two weeks later and she has moved on. This is driving me insane. What do I do?
TWO weeks. We were together eight years.
Hello Terry.
Does she say she's moved on, or do you say she's moved on? If she's with somebody else, then she may be telling herself that she's moved on (damage control).
None of the above matter right now. She's not with you, nor yours to brood about.
It's time to move on. One word of advice: you're not going to move on (at all) as long as you remain furious about her moving on. Instead learn to channel that anger (it will come in very useful) to propell yourself onward. Explore the book – this very subject is dealt with in depth.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I need help. My ex girlfriend is a complete and utter selfish cow! We broke up because she cheated on me and I could not deal with this. So I told her to move out and take her stuff with her. I went out whilst she did this so that we would not argue. So I leave and she does TAKES MY STUFF too. Like my washing machine and my clothes and everything. She wont give it back unless I talk to her about getting back together again, I do not want to involve the police becuase at the end of the day she WAS my girlfriend but I do want my stuff back again and I hate to think she might be messing up my stuff everytime we have an angry phone call or something.
What the hell do I do about this crazy psycho ex of mine?
Hello Percivil,
You have a very strong ex girlfriend.
Ok – lets see:
1 – you have told your ex to get out of your life.
2 – your ex has hijacked your stuff.
3 – you fear that your ex may mess your stuff up each time you argue.
4 – you want your stuff back and she won't give it back.
5 – you won't involve the police.
Change one of the above and get results.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
My girlfriend left a wile ago. I miss her. I left her as I was in the army but before I left we made plans to get married and start a family as soon as I got back. But whilst I was away she met some other guy and now she is about to have his kid!
What do I do?
Hi Josh.
You do nothing. it's over.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
My gf is acting shifty. She is away for days and does not say where she has been or she lies and says she has been at home when I know she has not (we do not live together). Also, she avoids hanging out with me and spends way too much time at work. I know this is going to end so I'm about to prepare for a break up will this book help?
Yes.
PS Unless she's planning a surprise party for you, stop taking second class behavior and break it off.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Thank you Mr Jose Gonzales.. But you see my our situation is different, im in a Long Distance Relationship. Ok, heres the short story. We've been together here in Manila Philippines since July 2005.. we loved each other very much. We even have plans of getting married soon. So there it goes.. weve been together here in manila for 3yrs , then time comes that she have to leave me coz she has an opportunity to work abroad(San Diego California), We know that it'll happen soon thats why we planned it already that when she comes back here in manila we'll get married then when she returns she'll petition me for spouse visa. We love each other so much sir. By the way, Im her first boyfriend & im the first(u knw wat i mean) & im comfident that i'll be the last. She went to california last year, February2008 bringing all our endless Love, hopes, dreams & promises. Last March2009(this year) we have a fight maybe i was too busy coz there are times that i cant talk to her, so she decided to tell me that she need some space, so i gave her space.. we did not talk/communicate for more than a month. Then time comes that i badly miss her & decided to end my misery, so i emailed her saying that i want her back coz i miss her so much. But she answered that she already has a special someone to her life & asking me to be her friend,means that she already have a boyfriend. It hurts so much that i could get crazy. 5days i cant sleep and cant eat right.. until now. I sent her lots of emails saying im very sorry & i want her badly, promising that i'll change be more better(& its true coz i love her so much) & i think thats email terrorism right? Cant blame me coz I really dont want to loose her Sir. I decided to accept to be her friend, even if it hurts so much it is the only way that i communicate to her. I've watched the video strategies on how to get your ex back but i cant compare it in my situation coz mines different. We're in a Long Distance Relationship, so i dont know whats shes doing & im very nervous that im gonna loose her permanently. It hurts more coz were suppose to celebrate our 4th yr relationship anniversary this coming 17th of July. We haven't talk until now,shes not telling me her contact#. But im still thankful that shes replying to my emails although she only reply once every day & the worst thing is her message short & not answering most of my questions.
It's like my worlds gonna end.. cant explain it really hurts so much. So im hopping sir that you can help me get her back. I really luv her so much, shes my everything.. she means the world to me. Please Sir.
Thank you & im looking forward for your answer, Sir!
James Z. Meonada
Las Pinas, Metro -Manila
Philippines
Hello James.
Yours is a very sad experience. I'm not familiar with the getting back your ex videos you mention (those are nothing to do with me).
I wrote an article on how to get your ex back – I recommend you read it:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/how-to-get-your-ex-gi...
The thing you have to understand is that you can't control another person. James, the only person that can decide to get back with you is your ex. What you're doing right now is trying to convince her that she should get back with you, and that's not going to create attraction.
It has to be pointed out that your ex girlfriend seems to have got herself a new man rather quickly (after 1 fight). Considering that you both had so many plans… it may seem that perhaps she didn't really have her heart set on those plans.
James, this last is not necessarily a reflection on your ex girlfriend. There are 3 scenarios here: 1 1 – she runs away, gets a new life and falls for a new guy in her new found world…
2 – she was running away from you.
3 – she loved you dearly, but not that dearly.
James: I don't know which of the above it is, but either way it looks like it's over – at least for the time being.
I suggest the following:
1 – do NOT be friends with your ex girlfriend. You don't need this right now.
2 – your ex girlfriend has your contact details – if she wants to contact you she knows exactly where you are.
3 – learn whatever you need to learn from this experience. What – if anything – could you have done differently, or better?
4 – ask yourself what the pain you feel for loosing her is: is it heartbreak? or is it guilt? or is it shame and pride? or is it a combination of those? If it's anything other than heartache, you need to pick up the lessons in that experience and really learn from them.
5 – Steps 3 to 5 in the book go over this type of self-analysis in detail.
Good luck James
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi everyone. I have just split up with my boyfriend of 4 years. To put it bluntly I'm heartbroken. In hindsight, the relationship was going downhill since last year. I think we got too comfortable with each other, the romance, the hugs and kisses were gone, we were more or less doing the same thing day in day out and each time we were together. Also, the things we used to love about each other such as my singing and the way he makes coffee were beginning to get one our nerves. I knew something was going to have to change in order for us to get back to how we were or at least back in love again. But the last thing i wanted was for us to go our separate ways. I would've wanted to sit down and talk about things. However, he felt that our relationship had reached the end of the line. I understand that completely, we have been here before, sitting down and having big talks about how to sort us out, and i suppose he got tired of it. There is only so many times you can do that. I think this is becuase a combination of how much i love him and my insecurities about losing him to someone else. We have been on and off for over 8 year he is all i know. It pains me to think of him with anyone else, or even myself with anyone else. I feel like I need to get myself back on track. Im just scared that when i do, i STILL will not be over him but he would have moved on and gotten married and had kids and not even remember my name!!! I can not deal with this. I can not deal with the fact that I have spent so many years trying to make his life better and easier and he can just continue without me. He never even needed me it seems if he can just walk away from this so easy. I provided his meals, his company etc and now he just left and obviously found someone else to replace all the things I did for him. I just have no clue what to do, i have never felt like this before and I have never gotten over him properley even when we broke up before as I have never had to. He also said that he would like to keep in contact with me but I am not sure about that.i cant keep going back there, I need a clean break and a fresh start. But it absolutely kills me.WHAT do I do???! I can not take this any more- I am failing at uni, I can not eat properly, it just consumes me.
Hello Denise.
It seems that on the one hand you're going over how much you miss your ex, what you did for him and how you can't be without him, and on the other you're saying you want a clean break.
I realise this isn't easy – nobody said it was. Read Step 1, to begin with – just find something to focus on – like a decision. In your case, I suggest you spend as much time as you need in making the right decision.
Let me also make another suggestion: stop thinking about you. If you want to figure this out, then stop focusing on the things you did, the things you said, the things you…
Talk to him. Give it a shot. But don't make it about you: find out what he wants; find out what the issue was – from his point of view. It's not productive to think about all the things you did, if you don't know what effect the things you did actually had.
Consider that you may have been doing too much of the things that mattered least.
Find out where the middle ground is between you and decide if you're fine with the price tag (everything has a cost).
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I have an ex who just will not quit!!!
She keeps trying to get back with me- and keeps sleeping over I try to say no but what can ya do, rite?
Plus she is my kids mom so I gotta have her around.
Help me out man
D
Hi Derek,
You're ex won't quit? Why should she when you keep letting her stay over?
Instead of 'trying' to say no, say no.
She may be your kid's mum, but she's not yours. Find a different way for them to spend time.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Great board, I know this q has been asked a few times but I was wondering if you could help with my specific issue.
I met and fell in love with a girl a few years ago, she was perfect. She had everything I wanted in a long term partner, I wanted to marry her. However, she was not THAT into me. She was cool with the relationship but she wasnt giving it her all. One day she decided that it was not for her and broke up with me. She claimed no one else was in the picture and I belive her.
But I can not accept that it is over. I KNOW she is the one for me and I KNOW i can make her happy- I just need to be able to get her back
Hello Marco,
If it's over then you don't really have much choice but to accept this.
You say you know you're the one for her and you can make her happy – but these are your own thoughts. You had time during the relationship to convey this (and maybe you did) but your ex doesn't seem to think you're the one and that you can make her happy (if the reason for the break up is as you say it is).
What does your ex feel about you?
My point is, when it comes to investing the rest of her life, what YOU think matters little – what matters most is what the person making the investment thinks.
Let me ask you: Does she (or did she) know how you feel about her? Is there a possibility that she may have felt the same way about you but you somehow didn't convey your feelings to her (a lack of commitment can drive people away).
Did you simply break up or did you speak about any issue / reason(s)?
Before you even think of trying to get her back, you have to know WHAT caused the break up in the first place, so you can fix it – if it can be fixed.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My ex boyfriend and I had been together almost two years when we broke up. The last fight we had when he broke up with me was the worst night that I have ever experianced.
We were living together when he decided to break up. He told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, that he wanted to break up with me. I had heard this before with him saying that he wanted to leave and he did only he would always come back after a day or two- it was never anything final.
That night, after he told me-He went upstairs, and I followed. He yelled that he wanted me to pack my stuff and get out of the house. He then left the house, then hung out with his mates. he then bought the mates around and they all sat in the living room with music on loud and sometimes they would run past bang on my door nd call me a fat cow and laugh. IT hurt so much as i could hear my boyfriend laugh and he didnt even try to stop it.
That night, when he came to bed, I cried some more.
The week that followed,I cried myself to sleep every single night as I heard that he had a new 'friend; and he was haning out with her all night. he never came home. I felt so alone in that house.
Since then, we've hung out a few times, without his girlfriend because she does not like me. We used to e-mail each other, talk on the phone until we were really tired, and he even once surprised me at work by just showing up all this whilst he was still with his other girl. But nothing happened and he is really appropriate and he tells her before he comes to see me and although she hates me she is fine with him hanging with me.
Now all that has stopped, and he's ignoring me. He told me before he still loved me, that he wanted to give us another chance some day, but he didn't want to hurt his girlfriend by up and dumping her and then come back to me.
I miss him so much. I cry almost everyday and I just can not get over him. The contact I had with him is no more- he is settled with his new girl it appears and now its just me trying to get over him- its been a year since all this happened and I am stuck getting over him. Whilst we were together it was not all roses but at the same time I loved my bf very much and the tought of not being with him hurts.
Hi Lara,
Yours is a sad story – truly.
OK. What your boyfriend and his friends did (banging on your door etc) is a great indication of personality and maturity level. I'm guessing he's about 11 or 12 years old?
Lara, you took unacceptable behaviour from a bunch of kids, and then you still 'hung out' with him when he had a new girlfriend. Was this for his convenience or yours?
Despite the length of your story I still don't know much in the way of details, but from what you tell me it seems that what you need is an upgrade or a closer look at your own behaviours and drives (i.e. why you would want to put yourself in situations that you know are not going to be beneficial to you).
A huge mistake is to hang around with him when he's otherwise attached AND hang on his words of 'love'. I don't know enough here to understand the dynamic of the relationship you two have right now (who is getting what benefit from this union etc) but saying that he loves you and is unable to leave his current girlfriend (whom presumably he doesn't love, since he loves you) because he doesn't want to let her down is… nonesense. Human beings are naturally self-centered and this particular one seems so… but you know him best, so ask yourself: would he cheat himself out of a better 'deal' by staying with his girlfriend who he apparently doesn't love, rather than disappoint her and be with you who he apparently loves so much?
Doubtful.
Those sound like hollow words Lara. 'Leading you' comes to mind; or perhaps he thinks he is being kind to you. Either way, you should not be waiting on the sidelines whilst he gets on with his life.
Time to let this one go Lara. If you need to, put yourself in the his girlfriend's shoes: you wouldn't want another woman meeting your boyfriend and professing her love for him would you? You seem like a person of integrity, so I'm guessing you would feel hurt, insulted and betrayed by this.
Bring this thought up when you think you'd like to see him, and see it from the girlfriend's point of view.
You're not the girlfriend Lara.
PS I suggest investing in your issue – educate yourself on what you need to do, rather than doing nothing and living with it. Look around for similar books and do download my free sample. Gather them all and decide what book you're going to read, but do invest because you need the tools to get past this and doign nothing about it is a waste of your life.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
what do I do about about my ex. She and I used to be best friends then we dates for a few years now we broke up, I want to salvage the friendship but worried it might affect me in some way- especially if I start dating again.
Hi Terry,
It seems that you're busy thinking of issues to have… when you don't have them.
You're worried that being friends with your ex may affect you in 'some way'… Well, how do you know that not being friends with your ex won't affect you in some other way?
If you want to be friends with your ex and she feels the same way and this is cool between you two, then stop worrying about what may or may not happen 'down the line'.
PS It sounds like you two should be dating.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
How do I get over my ex? He cheated on me and then left. I cant forgive my ex for cheating so it means I can't move on.
Hello Shiba.
You answered your own question there…
You say you can't move on because you can't forgive him. So forgive him and move on.
Jose Gonzalez
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http://get-over-your-ex.com
My ex is ALWAYS around. She uses our son and dog as an excuse to come over watch tv with our son and hang out. She picks him up from school and brings him round and even has dinner here- How do I move on if she keeps doing this. Its like an everyday thing and we broke up around 4 months ago. Its like wehavent broken up its really annoying can you please help.
Brian
Hello Brian,
Your ex comes around and hangs out with her son (and the dog). Period. If she's hanging around with them, then how can you be sure she's just there to look at you.
Let me put it differently: if a woman in work for whom you had no interest liked you and kept hanging around the canteen whenever you were there, would you walk out each time she walked in? Or would you just ignore her?
Moreover, just because she liked you, she may be in the canteen because she's actually hungry (at least some of the time…).
Your ex may just be hanging with her son in his environment. Period.
However… I do see that this can be frustrating for you, because it's also your environment. Asking her not to be there will cause unnecessary issues and probably affect your son in some way.
So, instead, leave.
If she's hanging out with her son… then YOU don't need to be there.
Make your excuses and leave.
Yes it's a little inconvenient sometimes, but this is temporary AND it stops you from having to brood about whether she's looking at you (or whatever else you think she may be doing).
Going into a different room and reading or doing anything else is also a good idea.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My by keeps spending far too much time with his ex. Nothing is going on they are just best mates but I think he might still be in love with her. Will this book help? I was thinking of getting it for him. I need him to get over her.
Jen
Jen, your boyfriend shouldn't be spending time with his ex when you're in the picture full stop. This will simply create a 'triangle', where at least one person will suffer.
Having said that, it doesn't sound like he wants to be over his ex, and it doesn't seem like he's asking you for help with this either.
A straight talk is required.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
My ex left a few months ago and I have been slowly getting over her. We were togetha for like eight years. We text occasionally and talk. Now she is moving away. ALthough I am over her, I do not want her to move far away so that I can not see her.
Texting and talking occasionally is good for me and the slow exit has helped me get over her.
Mel
Hello Mel,
I'm glad it worked out for you with the slow exit, and it's good that you can still communicate and be mature enough to disengage from the past.
However, you're going to have to be mature enough when it comes to boundaries. Your ex is 'not yours'. Her decisions are hers and if she wants to move away then there's nothing you can – or should! – do about it. You can't make her stay for your convenience (because you enjoy the random contact when it suits you).
Let her go if she's going Mel.
* What's wrong with e-mail?
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My ex left a few months ago and I am still finding it hard to move on. I WANT to be over him but I just do not know how to go about doing it. Your tips have been a help but I need to be able to forget my ex.
Hello Emma,
You're not the first to ask how to forget an ex. You can't, so stop wishing for this to happen. Ironically, by trying to forget your ex, you're THINKING about your ex.
Get over him instead. Start by not thinking about him…
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
HEy,
MY boyfriend is really uncomfortable with my hang up with my ex. I never relaly got over him before I started this current relationship and he thinks that it might be affecting it.
Is it possible to get over someone whilst in a relationship with someone else?
Blossom
Hello Blossom,
You seem to be positively enforcing that you're not over your ex.
You say you never got over your ex before you started this relationship…
Let me ask you: what would be different if you'd waited until you were over your ex before you started your new relationship?
You'd have had more time?
Well… you've had exactly the same amount of time since splitting up with your ex until now.
Would you have done something that you can't possibly do now? Probably not… so get to it. Start now.
* It IS affecting your current relationship – you said so yourself.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
I don't know if you orthe book can help me. My gf asked me for some time apart so she could get her thoughts together. I do not know if we have broken up so I don't know if I shoudl start to get over her. What can I do?
Steven
Hi Steven,
You don't mention how long ago this was. If your girlfriend asked for some time 2 days ago and you're considering whether you should be getting over her, then that seems a little premature… unless you know something you haven't mentioned (like whether the relationship was on the rocks or not).
If on the other hand your girlfriend mentioned this 6 months ago and you're still waiting…
Either way, from your point of view you should always aim at keeping your integrity safe. If the tables were turned and after you asked for some time to think your girlfriend went and found herself another guy… you'd call her a flake 9and probably worse…). So dno't put yourself in the same situation.
Talk to her.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My girlfriend of eight years just left me for my mate. I do not think I can handle it. I live in a small town what do i do
fred
Hello Fred,
Choose better friends.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
Will this book help me- it sez its for men but i just broke u with my bf and i need help.
nikki
Hi Nikki,
The real reason the book was writen for men is that I simply wasn't going to pretend that I can also think like a woman.
Having said that, it seems to transalte pretty well for both genders and I receive plenty of e-mails from women who have read the book and have changed their lives around.
I put some comments in the Reader's Comments page, which you can see here:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/reader-comments
Download Step 1 and see if this book is for you.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
I have been trying to get over my ex for weeks now but its difficult to d as she lives on my road. I keep seeing her with other guys and going out at night with her mates and I just sit there loking out the window until she returns. Sometimes she does not and I can not sleep for days.
Help me get over this!
David
Hello David,
It seems that the reason you're seeing your EX girlfriend with other guys so often is because you're looking out of your window for her so often…
Break the cycle.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
Been trying to get over my ex for over three years and I still can't seem to get over her. We almost got married and she meant everything to me. Although the pain is a lot less then when I first lost her three years ago- she left as she felt she was not sure if I was the one- I still can't seem to date other women. I feel as if no woman is as good as she is and this makes me not want to date them. Also I do feel its unfair if I date other females whilst I am not totally over my ex
How and where do I start. I just got the book and completed the first step- I know I have no choice bUT to get over her. so that is my decision made, but I need some support. Especialy as I move through the steps.
thanks.
Bert
Hello Bert,
Ok. To start with, 3 years is only a long time if you've been actively working toward getting over your ex. In your case, I think you may have spent most of that time wallowing in pity; so 3 years, 10 years… a life time… take your pick – it doesn't matter much.
The point is, you've started to get over her NOW – when you made that decision.
Get used to this fact: she's not yours. She's HER OWN person.
Disconnect.
Stop using her as a measuring standard with it comes to other women. Let me ask you: what specific qualities do you think about your ex when you measure these other women against her? Positive ones? I'm guessing you're choosing to focus on the best qualities. And what about the other women who are being compared? Are you focusing on their good qualities too? Or their bad ones? Seems like a somewhat unfair comparison.
If you want to get a little more real, focus on the fact that your ex girlfriend didn't think you were the one. Perhaps she didn't see your best qualities either? Was she also comparing you to somebody else?
Bert, you don't know anything about the women you haven't yet met. What you're comparing here is a long time of happy positive memories with a real person against superficial qualities in a person with whom you have no emotional connection.
Drop the comparisons.
Now think of a time 3 years ago. You were unable to get over your ex.
Now fast forward 3 years to now. What are you still doing here?
Now fast forward 10 years, and see yourself in exactly the same position, acting like a dog without a bone.
And now fast forward to your death bed. Lonely. Sad that no women ever measured up to the perfect ex.
It's pretty bleak Bert. We just forwarded to the end… and it was bleak all the way.
Change this Bert.
You got the book and completed step 1. Get started on the others and don't stop until you reach the last page. It's all in there.
Let me know how you're doing.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Also, read this article:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/moving-on-after-a-bre...
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I am about to leave my gf and I am preparing for how I will feel now whilst still in the relationship. IS there a good way of breaking up with my girlfriend so that I do not suffer much?
thanks
S093,
I believe if you wrap yourself in cotton wool it helps.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
What do you do if your girfriend just left out of the blue? I came home and she just wasn'there- her stuff had gone and she left a note saying that this was not for her anymore.
I Called and got voicemail for the first few days- so her phone is off. I drove to her house but her flatmate said that my gf had told her to tell me that she did not want to see me. I thought it best to let her cool off so I have not gone round since. Then I got a text message saying that she is okay and that she would send back some of my stuff.
What do I do? she just upped and left and I do not know where to begin.
Hello Ben,
Well, you're still referring to her as your girlfriend when it seems pretty clear that she's now your ex.
Ok – she didn't leave out of the blue, nor did she just up and leave: ALL her stuff had gone. This was premeditated.
This is neither good nor bad – it just is. You just didn't see it coming, but that doesn't mean it was an impulsive decision.
Your language indicates that you haven't made the connection: you say you thought you'd let her 'cool off' and you haven't been round 'since' (as in, there will be another time when you go round). Neither of those 2 things are congruent with the message she left you: that this is not for her.
Ben, closure is nice but we don't always get it. Yes, you should try to find out the whats and the why if it's going to help you, but don't be forceful (try only once) and be prepared not to get the answers you're looking for.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi!
I am really confused right now and I was wonderin if you could help me. I broke up with my ex, who i dated for five years since high school. Recently, I started to miss him, especially when my current bf is not around like when he was at work or at collage. At night, I usually feel lonely as I live n my own. I would like to talk to my current bf but the conversations are always strained and weird on the phone plus he is boring so I do not call him.. One night, I was litereally lookin thru my phone contcts and came across the ex and I called him!! We spoke for a long while.
My end of year exms are looming so last night, I stayed in the uni library by myself pulling and all nighter. My exam was the next day. However I was the only one in the whole study room and I started to feel weird. I called my bf and asked him to talk to me for a bit so I felt better but he said he had to go and hung up (not in a rude way, he had classes the next day). THen I called my ex and I told him I was by myself and scared etc and to talk to me for a bit. He said he would call me back as not to waste my credit. when he called back he was outside the uni in a car that he borrowed from his mate! My bf has a car and didnt even offer to pick me up!!
So should I get with me ex?
Hi Krissy,
It looks like you already have.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
I was wondering if you caould help me with a problem I have. My ex wife just contacted me after twenty years. we were married briefly when we were in our early twenties and seperate soon after. I am now in my forties, married (not the best marriage) with a son away at collage.
My current wife and I are not all that happy together but we stick together as we are both too old to start again. Until now when my ex got in touch.
Now, I keep thinking of all the good times with my ex and think I want her back. How do I go about doing this.
Plus will it work?
Mr. P
Mr P…
When you ask me "how do I go about doing this?" … are you asking me how to leave your wife so that ou can run away with your ex?
And when you ask me "will it work?" … are you asking me to guratantee this escapade for you?
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
hi i wasbroken heart and i feel that my lover dont love me anymore.but i still miss him and i also angry with him.every single sms i receive i think he send me and get dissapointed only.he never call me and we not have contact more than one month.wat i must do?i think that i wasa cheated by him.i hate myself because let him cheated me.
Hi Jennifer,
I see that you're in some confusion right now. Download Step 1 (it's free) and read it. It contains the first thing you need to do right now – everything else is a distraction.
You say you have contact once a month. Why is this? It's either over or it isn't. Can you explain what the contact is about? I ask because right now, if you have broken up, this kind of contact is going to be an ongoing stress.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I do feel guilty about my ex, that is why I support her. I left her for my current wife who I worked with. Now I just feel really bad that I did so and just want her to be happy.
I do not think I can stop supporting her, my wife has threatened to leave if I do not. I am in such a bind right now.
Kirk,
Rightly or wrongly you LEFT your ex wife for the one you currently have.
The one that matters right now is in front of you (that's what you decided after all…)
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi
I just got out of a six year relationship. I simply can NOT continue without my gf. she was everything to me and she left. what do I do ??????
where do i begin??
Its like trying to continue without an arm
Hi Sonny,
Where to start, when breaking up after 6 years together…
Start from the beginning. Download the free sample – Step 1. In your case I recommend you read the full book from cover to cover: you're going to have to go in deep, face some truths and make a lot of decisions before you can start making the necessary changes.
Do it. It's free.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello
I have been with my wife for a few years now but the only problem is I can't seem to stop supporting my ex-gf financially and emotionally. I do not love the ex anymore, but I can not bring myself to leave her on her own and let her fend for herself. She was really dependant on me both financially and emotionally and I would like that to continue but my current wife has a big problem with this as she wants to put down a deposit on a home and pan a fmaily.
What should I do?
Kirk
Hi Kirk,
If you want to support your ex financially then that's your call. This sounds like a need driven by guilt, which can remain even after you're over her. But still, that's your call.
My advise is to read step 3 and 4 and reaslise that you're not responsible for your ex, no matter what you or she thinks.
If your wife has a problem with this because, as you say, there are plans to invest in a home and build a nest… then I don't see what it is that YOU don't see…
You supporting your ex is getting in the way of you supporting your wife, yourself and your dreams together.
Look after then clan first. Your ex isn't part of that clan.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
To Sinclair: I think what you are doing to your current partner is atrocious. I agree with everyone else, I do not think you are over your ex either.
Perhaps it is time that you thought about trying to get over her and THEN starting a new relationship.
To Les: Although you may have done the right thing for now, do try to think about making your relationship work. It would be a shame to give up on it.
Allegra
My boyfriend left me for another woman. She was his ex. But now I want him back.Is it worth trying to get him back?
Fiona
Fiona,
Only YOU can answer that question.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
If your girlfriend wants to break-up with you but you don't want her to what can you do?
Can you help?
Hi Gogol,
What to do if your girlfriend wants to break up with you and you don't want her to break up with you…
Well, I'm going to assume by your working that the reason she wants to split is down to something that you're doing.
What would you do if your lightbulb didn't come 'on' and you wanted it to? You'd first find out why it wasn't working, then make a decision: do you want it to work? if yes, DO something to make it work.
It's that simple.
1. Find out WHY your girlfriend wants to break up with you (you may already know this…) 2. If this is something that you're doing, and you want her to stay, and you decide that keeping her is more important than continuing to do whatever it is that you're doing… then…
3. Change
NOTE: I'm making some assumptions here, so be aware of this.
I'm assuming that:
1. She wants to leave you because of a NEGATIVE behaviour that you're exhibiting or repeating (shouting, anger, impatience, mistrust etc…)
2. Your decision to change the behaviour will benefit you (at least based on the fact that you want her to stay).
This doesn't mean you have to change things about you each and everytime somebody makes a demand on you to do so. Again, read my NOTE – this applies mainly if you're engaging in a negative behaviour – which I assume is what is causing your girlfriend to want to leave you in the first place.
You're welcome to be more specific and tell me the reason why she wants to leave you, or if I already answered your question here, go fix it.
Good luck
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
hi now i feel very better.now i reading step 3 and i apply that to make my life very better and happy compare to the past.thank u for everything.i already change my phone number but my ex contact me back.i do no how he know my new number.i have made a strong decision and i will not give up tha.he have hurt me so much and ask me to give him a chance and olso meet him once(he sms me like that and i not pick up her call yet).as i know if i meet him again i think i will slap him with my sandal.so what i must do now?
Hi Mani and well done.
Take a look at your self right now… you're up to step 3 in the book; you've made a strong decision, you're feeling happy and much better…
Think back to how you felt a couple of weeks ago and SEE how far you've come. You're doing good: you're making progress and becoming not only happier, but stronger also.
Meeting your ex boyfriend is up to you – only YOU can make that decision. But here's a suggestion: if you're making good progress and you're feeling much better… and you're only up to step 3… why not read the entire book first, put ALL the steps into action, and THEN decide what you want to do?
I think you're doing fine – just keep it together and be strong in whatever you decide. Whether you ever get back together with your ex or not is your choice, but DO NOT accept bad behaviour from him.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Is it okay to think about your ex once in a while? I had a great time with her when we dated and I often think about her. the problem is that I share this with my wife. So everytime a song comes on that remind me of my ex and my wife is near I would say this reminds me of my ex and tell my wife a story about my ex.
Now my wife is under the impression that I am not over my ex. I AM over my ex its just that she was an amazing person who had such a great influence on my life and made me extreamly happy and I do not want to (or can't ) forget her. we broke up becuase she was going away to do a post doc in another country. I do not speak to her anymore so my wife has no reason to be jealous and also it happend like five years ago.
Also, my I think my wife should understand that my ex was imporatnt to me and that I wil not forget her. How can I make my wife understand this?
I am here becasue my wife googled how to get over your ex and recomended this site.
than
Sinclair
Hello Sinclair,
I'm not quite sure you're over your ex either…
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi
My husband had an affair and the mistress recently died in a car crash. Although I was hurt and angry we decided to work things out only problem is that my husband is greving. How can I help him? Will this book help?
Jo
Hi Josephine,
I'm not certain of your question: do you mean will the book help him or you?
If you decided to take your husband back after he had an affair, then you're a bigger woman than many, but you have to realise that in some cases you may be also taking back at least some of his baggage – as is the case here.
He's grieving over his ex mistress. Period. You can' stop him grieving.
Josephine, I'm not condoning what he did or imposing on your decision in any way when I say this: but if he had an ex wife that he disliked, and she died, he could still grieve over her simply because she was a human being and he knew her.
His grieving over his mistress is natural, even though the reason for it is not particularly wholesome. But if you decided to give him a chance and you think it could work well for you both, then I wouldn't let the grieving become an issue right now. As I said, your decision to take him back comes with some responsibility, at least for the initial period.
If he's grieving after his mistress 6 months later… THEN worry.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Thanks for the reply.
I talked to him about how I feel and we agreed to take some time out.
Thanks for the advice. I bought the book and I think I might be needing it for the weeks ahead.
I miss him already.
Les
Hi Les,
You did the best thing you could have done – for both your sakes. If he had opened up to you in some way when you're not even sure if you want to be in a relationship with him, his shame would have probably made getting back together impossible – and it may be good to have the option, since you're not exactly splitting up in bad terms.
What you did was both mature and civilised, and not only spared him but yourself too (imagine being in that situation, when you have to suddenly decide to tell him that the past few weeks didn't really mean much… which is the same of course to saying "I've been wasting your time").
It sounds also like he took the news in a very mature manner.
Well done again Leslie and all the best
PS If you miss him already… who knows…
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I want my ex back.I left her because she was consumed with her things- like uni and her hobbies and did not have much time for me. time apart has made me realise that I would rather be with her even if she doesn't have that much time for me now- in the hope she will in the future. How does this book get her back?
ed
Hi Eddy,
This book doesn't get your ex back – YOU do that bit. However, I highly suggest you read the book FIRST before you do anything. You will learn the tools you need (real tools, not gimmicks or tricks) that will generate the right impressions.
Good luck Eddy
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey my ex has been calling and e-mailing and knocking on my door at all times and I can't begin to get over her until she stops this. How do I STOP her. She is driving me insane. She keeps telling my mates that I beat her and I didnt and she is trying to keep my daughter away from me unless I agree to get back with her. I don't know what to do.
Can you help.
Dave
o39f,
If you're worried about your mates thinking that you beat her, then remind them that she's beating down your door because she wants to get back with you (this is not the best decision somebody who gets beat can make…).
You can't stop her from beating down your door, but you say this affects you AND potentially can bring about disruptions between yourself and your daughter…
Well, call the police and ask for an restriction order to be placed on her so that she can't come within a certain distance from you. It really is that simple. If you don't care for this person and her being at your door is causing you all this stress, then REMOVE her from your door (but do it legally).
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
I was wondering if you could help me. I have been in a long term relationship for a while now, but have been becoming quite disenchanted with it. At first the relationship was wonderful but now 2 years on it has lost a lot of it's appeal. I used to look forward to seeing my boyfriend but now its like I wait for him to leave so I can finally breath a sigh of relif and have some time to myself.
I don't think I love the person he is any more but I feel obligated to stay because I made a commitment and I value this more than anything. I know this is a break up site but if you can give me advice on what to do, it will be appriciated.
Les
Hi Leslie,
Whether you're breaking up or trying to get back with your ex, this book teaches you the steps to put yourself together so that you can gain control of your emotions and become better than before, so that you can decide what you want to do about your relationship.
If this is how you feel about your boyfriend, then you're wasting his time AND leading him on. What if he's planning to ask you to get married in a few weeks? Will your idealistic value for the commitment you made prevent you from doing the right thing? Will you marry him instead and spend the next 30 or 40 years sharing your life with somebody that you can't wait to see the back of? And if you think that's an akward situation, then ask yourself: what's the differene now? You're mis-spending your time AND his, because of a commitment that YOU made to yourself. It sounds more like you're trying to test your own will power.
Leslie, don't let the situation develop and put him in a position where he asks you to commit deeper and you have to tell him that he hasn't meant that much to you at all for some time.
If this is something you're trying to fix, then start by talking to him.
If you're asking for advice on what to do, then it's all in this post.
Good luck
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
this book has been my life line. Over the past few weeks I have been following the steps and things are getting better.
I am on Step 3 now and I really feel like things are turning around. its the most effective step so far I think.
But I have a question, my ex wants to meet up for a chat. She wants to talk about the children. They are not mine by over the years that we were together I have started to love them like my own. during the first week that we broke up I told her that I wanted to keep in contact with them and now she wants to chat about that.
I am afraid seeing her will undo all the change. What should I do?
Jon
Hi Jon, and thanks for your kind comments.
When it comes to kids, a relationship breakup invariably takes on a new layer of complications. However, right now you state that you're making great progress, and also that you fear undoing your hard work if you meet her.
Then why are you meeting her? Trust your instinct on this Jon. It is regretable for the kids and I am in no way suggesting that you shut them out from your life – especially if that's not what YOU want.
However, if re-establishing contact with the kids means talking to your ex (and I imagine it does) then I'm suggesting that you DELAY this meeting. You should not go into anything you don't want to, especially if you have a choice.
Don't let anybody tell you either that you're being less than wholesome about this – or send you on a guilt trip about the kid's feelings, because right now the most important feelings to deal with are yours, and those you must protect until they heal again.
Ask yourself this: what good are you to the kids if you're an amotional mess? Better to see them WHEN you're ready, so that they can get the best out of you and remember you always as a strong character.
Good luck Jon and keep up the reading! It gets much better
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Thanks for replying back to my questions.
Well the more I think about the more I don't see my husband in the picture. I just keep thinking about all the bad stuff like the arguments and stuff and think that I will be better off alone than with him. But, at the same time I will miss his good points- well the good bits that were there before all this started.
I suggested a meet up with him so Ill see him next week and maybe try out your exercise. I also told him about this site and he wasn't that pleased because he thought I was trying to get over him.
Nadine
Hi Nadine, and you're welcome.
Not seeing your husband in the pictures you make inside your mind is not particularly good. As for thinking of all the arguing… why are you thinking of all the arguing? If you replay back all the bad experiences, then you're not likely to make ANY progress in this situation, and meeting up with your husband in a few days is potentially not going to be a pleasant experience because of the negativity that you're choosing to remember.
Nobody is making you think those thoughts – in fact, YOU'RE in charge of your own thoughts. If you (and perhaps your husband?) is (are) choosing to remember the bad thoughts, then nothing is going to help you get back together (at least in a good way).
It has to start with you two. IF you want this relationship to work, start by changing what you think about.
PS I can imagine your husband being displeased when you mentioned you were looking at how to get over your ex. Perhaps you could have tweaked it to 'how to get over IT'
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My boyfriend just left me for someone else. What do I do? how can I get him back?
Hello Cloe,
Sorry to hear about your boyfriend. The truth is you can't make him come back any more or less than you could make him stay. Wanting to come back is his decision; whether you let him back into your life is yours.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Thanks for the great book to get over an ex. Also looked at others.
Raymond
Hi Raymond,
Thanks for your kind comments.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Well, I was wondering if you could help me. I recently split from my husband. We decided to take some time apart as we were not getting along as we used to. I moved out and we have been living aprt fro about three weeks. I love him dearly, but I don't think I can go back to living with him. We just argue all the time and we do not have as much fun as we used to. But at the same time, I dont think I can live by myself.
any advice?
Nadine
Hello Nadine,
When you say you can't live alone, are you seeing your husband in the picture, or not? In other words, are you saying you can't live without your husband?
If you love him dearly, as you say, then simply ask yourself this: what is standing between you and him?
Arguments?
What on Earth are you arguing about, that can stand between you both?
Try this: stand in a room together. Pick 1 issue that you argue about. You're giong to role play here. Stand at opposite sides of the room, then voice the issue. Then ask yourselves this: is this issue bigger than us? If it is, then (STILL IN ROLE PLAY) meet in the middle of the room and kiss one last time. Explain to each other that because of this issue, you're going to separate. For ever. Then one of you walk out of the door for the whole day. No calls; no texts.
Spend the day alone, both of you, letting the fact that this issue beat you both, hands down.
When you're ready, return home.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hi y'all
I just came across this site. I been trying to get over my ex. My ex cheated on me. I want to be with her again but I am not sure I can forgive my ex for what she done to me.
what do you think I should Do. Its a case of can't live with her cant live without her.
Ther
Hello Ther,
You answered your own question there… you can't forgive your ex for cheating on you.
If you think you can't live without her, then picture yourself living with her. If you can't forgive her, then you're setting yourself up for a miserable existence, not to mention wasting your time and hers.
How long until you decide that you need to disolve the relationship once the resentment becomes overbearing?
Ther, if you really want to be back with your ex, you only have one choice: get over her cheating.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello,
I got your tips and thanks. I'm doing them.
My question is can friends get you over an ex?
Thanks
Will
Hello Wiki,
Only one person can get you over your ex, and that's you. if you're hanging out with friends after a breakup and you find yourself relaxing and, well… getting over your breakup, then it's tempting to think that it's due to your friends. In reality, everything the process is internal: it your reaction as a result of hanging out with your friends that causes what you feel.
Is it good to hang out with friends after a breakup? If it makes you feel good, then yes.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I am wit my wife ten years, rite and it's gettin a bit much.being married to her can be tuff coz she can be demanding and she spends all my money. I am thinkin of leavin coz I have been seein one of the girls at work. So Im askin how I deal with this cross over- like, i will miss my wife coz i have known her since i woz 16 so she has been in my life ages and she is the mum of my two boys but at the same time my new bird, well she is like new and full of suprises so do you think that it will be easier to get over my wife seein as i have someone to go to?
thanks
Barry, it seems that your wife is not the only one full of surprises…
You should have thought of all this before you got married.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
Thanks for the advice, Jose. I have downloaded the sample of the free e-book and will be reading it soon.
However, my ex just got into contact and its now harder as its like he is back again but its not the same as I am not his girlfriend any longer.
Jenny
Hi Jenny,
Thanks for your comments.
Ok: your ex is back and it's not the same. In fact, it's harder, because you're not his girlfriend.
Let me ask you: do you have issues hanging around friends? Do you become self-conscious and start managing your body language around them?
Or do you just relax and enjoy the company without having to pay attention to your body-management?
I'm guessing it's the second option.
So, if your ex is back but you're not his girlfriend anymore, then I assume you're his friend. But you're not acting like his friend (and probably neither is he – at least on the 'inside').
It sounds like distance is needed until both your feelings settle down a little. If you've both decided to continue as friends, then there is no obligation to meet regularly. Think of a friend you haven't seen in 1 year. There's probably more than one, right? So what's the rush?
Perhaps you'reboth trying a little too hard to be friends and feel in some way obliged to meet some unspoken requirement that has you both meeting up regularly and subtly avoiding mentioning anything to do with your relationship…
My advice is to just relax. If you two want to be friends, then that's cool, but right now physical encounters are naturally awkward… so don't do them.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
I need help with my ex. We are in the process of getting back together again. We have been apart for eight years and his wife just cheated on him so he is going to get a divorce and be with me again.
However, I know that my ex is getting over a broken relationship so how can I help him? and also is it better staying friends with my ex instead of getting with him so soon after his break up.
Thanks
Hello Kristina,
May I ask how it came to be that you will be getting back with your ex after this event? Was it his idea, or yours?
I notice that you say:
"he is going to get a divorce and be with me again"
and
"is it better staying friends with my ex instead of getting with him so soon after his break up"
Your language is a little mixed – there's a list of things in there that need to be addressed. You've been here before with him in a previous relationship, so you are pretty qualified when it comes to answering those questions, because they're about him.
You seem apprehensice (I'm guessing because you want this relationship to work and not fail due to something that could have been so easily avoided).
If your ex is having issues getting over his ex wife, then it's perhaps best to watch from a distance (if you know what I mean).
Note: if you're keen on making this happen, then don't just cut loose and expect to find him where you left him when you return… just be 'there' but give him space. Moreover, TELL him what you're doing: let him know that you want to give him some mental space so he doesn't think you're turning your back on him.
As for helping him get over his ex… what exactly are you planning to do? Distract him? What happens when there's a quiet moment in his mind?
Best to let him face his own demons so that he can bury them, then he can focus on you.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
I miss my gf, we have been broken up for ten days and its like hell. need help!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello Adrian… and STOP.
You're obviously smarting from your breakup, and that's understandable, but in this state you're no good to anybody – especially yourself.
Let me ask you: have you downloaded the free ebook sample? It strikes me that you're not even close to covering the first step in order to find your bearings.
Also, more information is needed if you want a fresh perspective on things.
Let me know if I can do something for you.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey Lisa Lisa-
It sounds like your ex feels as if he needs you in his life; if not as a girlfriend/wife then at least as a friend. This is not surprising as you have been a part of his life for a decade, which is not short amount of time.
I had been with my husband for at least fifteen years, married for ten of them and when he left I didn't just lose my husband I also lost my companion and long term friend. This is exactly what your ex must be feeling now.
This could mean that he just hasn't got used to being without you yet, which increases the chances of the two of you getting back together again. Especially if he says that his current relationship is not making him happy. However, bear in mind that he might get back together with you based on the fact that he believes he needs you in his life and after the initial high of rekindling the relationship fades, he might realize why the two of you parted ways in the first place.
May I ask why you two split up in the first place?
Allegra
I was looking for songs to get over an ex. I'm not so cut up now by I find it useful to listen to good songs. Can any one recommend any?
Hello Argyle,
'Breakup songs' as you put it, are a personal choice – the point is that audio input has a very influencial effect on our moods and behaviours… so DON'T listen to sad songs.
Listen to the songs that YOU like.
Here you go:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/breakup-songs-to-get-...
PS Do post YOUR top songs to get over an ex (I'm curious now)
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
I came across this site when I was looking for help with a relationship breakup.
I dont know how to get over my ex. I have been in a relationship with him for four years and he just left last week and I have no idea how to get over this relationship breakup. I miss him, the routine, the things we did as a couple, the contact we had throughout the say, just EVERYTHING about him. I am not coping with the relationship breakup at all and I havent eaten well for a ages or slept. Can you please give me advice on how to go about dealing with a relationship breakup. Any advice!!!!
Jen
Hi Jenny,
First thing to realise is that the things you're doing (not coping with a relationship breakup) are actually pretty normal). Keep this in mind for the sake of perspective.
Next, you need to take a step back from it all so you can THINK straight, or you'll drive yourself insane.
Try the technique outlined in this article:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/stop-thinking-about-y...
Also, take a look at the NLP section in the free ebook sample (I'm assuming you already downloaded it – if not, go to the home page and get your sample. It deals with the first aspect of a breakup, such as you describe).
Do post back with any questions after you review the information.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My girl friend just left me last week. she said I was too controlling and that I had a short temper.
I am trying to not go around to her parents house (where she is at the moment) and try and make her come back but I don't think I can be without her. What do I do?
Hi Ben,
Going to your ex girlfriend's parent's house to do what exactly? You can't make her come out if she doesn't want to, and at worse you'll cause a scene. Remember that whatever you do in front of her parents is a reflection on her choice of boyfriend, and if you embarrass her in front of her parents, then you're really giving her a great reason to shut you out completely.
You don't say how long you two were together, but it strikes me nonetheless that you say you're 'trying' not to go round to her parents house… This shouldn't be a matter of control.
Ben if you want to make contact, then ring her, and remember that you can't force her to pick up the phone either.
Consider also what she says about you and ask friends for a TRUTHFUL opinion: find out if other people see you as controlling and bad tempered and if so, take some time out to consider what you should do next (about yourself) before you even think of contacting your ex girlfriend.
The point is: if you girlfriend left you because you're bad tempered, then knocking on her door is not going to change anything: you're still the same bad temepered guy… You have to change FIRST, then make contact.
Good luck Ben
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
My ex partner left after 10 years about 6 months ago.
He is trying to be friends with me, but I still have feelings for him. I still want a relationship with this man. He has a new girlfriend although he says he isn't very happy. I think that is more with himself, than with her.
Any advice? How do I tell him I want a relationship, a chance for us and that being friends isn't something I can do right now when I still want more? It's not that I don't value him enough to be friends, I just want him to understand that.
Hi Lisa,
Breaking up after 10 years cannot have been easy, and now having to deal with friendship issues doesn't sound like the best way to be spending your time.
Ok – let's see. First of all you don't have to DO anything you don't want, so don't feel you have to imagine what your ex partner may think or say if you make a decision… it's YOUR call, nobody elses.
You say he tells you he isn't having a great time in his new relationship… why do you think he's telling you this? Is it out of guilt, or is he trying to tell you something?
You also say you want to be back in a relationship with him, and that being friends is not going to 'cut it'.
Well, you have 2 choices:
1. You don't tell him. You go your separate ways and perhaps he wanted the same as you but he didn't tell you either.
2. You tell him.
In point 2, 1 of 2 things can happen: he says no, or he says yes. If he says no, you don't loose anything, because you're not in a relationship together; if he says yes however… you win.
That pretty much narrows it down, Lisa.
Don't even think that you may be embarassed if he says no… you REALLY have nothing to lose, and you won't be seeing him at least for quite some time if he says no, because you simply can't be friends with your ex right now.
Please read the article below, which deal with this:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/my-ex-wants-to-be-fri...
All the best Lisa
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
My ex wont accept the end of the end of a relationship. She keeps calling and coming over and knocking on my door. we broke up around three weeks ago and she didnt take it well.
this is making it hard for me to get over her.
Steve
Hello Steve,
Take it as a compliment and stop opening your door.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
No I did not tell him why I left, just that I wanted some space and needed to find myself.
arrrhh I just cant get over my ex. I want my ex back.
Daisy,
Did you tell your boyfriend the reasons as to why you left? Did you reveal that you felt bored?
how did he respond to that?
Allegra
Hello,
This is a great site and reading about others in the same situation as me had really helped.
I was wondering if you could help me. I broke up with my boyfriend recently because I got bored. I spent ages deciding if I should stay with him and be mildly happy but really bored or if I should leave and look for someone better. I decided after much thought that it was only fair that I leave- for both him and me.
The relationship ended on good terms. No bad words were exchanged. It was just like our relationship. boring, lacking passion and polite.
Now I think I miss him.Should I try to get him back and becuase it ended nicely do you think I have a chance?
Thanks
Daisy.
Hello,
I don't agree with the previous post. Its very easy to be with someone and not love them. People tend to be in relationships for many reasons and unfortunately, love is not always at the top of the list. He could have been with you because you were the next person to come along after his marriage dissolved and he had been with his ex wife for so long he just didn't know how to be single again. Or like the idea of it.
If he never said it, then chances are he never felt it either. When you love someone, its really hard to contain it- you can't NOT say it or show it in some way.
TTT, you are not alone in this, my husband also claimed not to have loved me for the latter part of our marriage (and this lead to his affair and finally the end of our marriage)- and I belived him He stopped being affectionate and never said 'I love you' first, as he did when we were dating and during the early day of our marriage.
Move on. Go out there and find someone else. This guy is not worth the time you are spening getting over him. Also, spend time with your family especially now that your mother is not well.
Allegra
Hey,
I think he was lying- you cant be with someone for five years and not love them. At least for some of the time. I have said that in the past to my ex- in fact I said a lot of things I did not mean when we were breaking up ( we ended the relationship a few months ago) but now I regret it.
Seriously, he was lying or just saying that in the heat of the moment.
Kristopher
Hi, been reading these questions for a while now.
To TTT : Five years is a long time. He says he never loved you, this is probably true. It's usually at the end of a relationship when such truths come out. Although that seems a little harsh- use it. Why are you wasting so much time thinking about someone who never loved you?
If he has two kids – the oldest of which is almost 20 then its safe to assume that he was with his ex- wife for quite some time Plus, he had another daughter by her. You feel that he was never over his ex. Well, you might be wrong about that but she was certainly a major part of his life. Why did you get involved with someone with such a past?
People tend to dismiss peoples past very easily. If its the past then its over right? wrong. The past is what makes us. We are the sum of our experiences etc. However he feels about her, and whatever he got from that relationship- it still affects you. Next time, vet the guy properly. IF he has a past like that- run.
Right now you should focus on your family esp being with your mother. Deal with whatever emootions you feel concerning her and the illness. You will regret it later on if you didn't spend enough time caring for her and instead focused on getting over a bad relationship. Ten years down the line – when you are with the right guy- you wont think of this one, you will struggle to remember snippets of your time together. But you will ALWAYS remember your mother. Be with her.
Finally, have you accepted Jesus? Prayer is great at a time like this.
Hello,
I came across your site a while back- when looking for self help books about how to get over your ex. I know it is meant to be for men but I still found the book helpful in dealing with the initial emotions.
Now its been a while since I broke up with my ex boyfriend- but I still miss him sometimes. Its normally triggered by a smell or something on tv (like a show we watched) or even songs. It doesnt even have to be songs we listened to when together just anythign that might somehow relate to him. Does this mean I am not over him or is it just normal to have fleeting thoughts like this?
Thanks
donna
Hello Donna and thanks for posting,
What you describe in your post is very normal and has little if nothing to do with the other person – your ex and everything to do with the way the thought makes you feel.
You say that a smell or something you see on TV (a visual) or a song (audio) triggers an emotion and you miss you ex as a result.
All the things you're describing are SENSORY INPUT – it's just part of the process you use to represent the world.
Now… think of something that made you happy when you were a child. Perhaps it was a tv show, or a particular friend that always made you laugh, or a smell that was present at certain times in the house you grew up in…
All those things, when you think about them trigger a feeling inside of you, and probably make you smile. This is the very same mechanism at play when you hear a song and think of your ex.
The only difference is in the way you're representing them.
This is a process called anchoring: you subconsciously attached an action with a feeling. When you smelt the smell as a child and you were feeling great, you RELATED the smell to the way you felt. Now, when you remember the smell, the good feeling returns.
We also rememer (anchor) bad feelings this way.
When you hear certain songs and see certain tv shows, you're remembering HOW you felt when you heard them – missing your ex is just how you're deciding to interpret the feeling.
"Does this mean I am not over him or is it just normal to have fleeting thoughts like this?"
It doesn't mean anything about you not being over him. Think about somebody you love, and remember an instance where you had a fall out or a fight. Remember something about the event – a smell, a sound… If you smell or hear that sound you will remember the fight you had with the person you love and all the bad feelings associated with the event. It doesn't mean you hate the other person. Likewise, when a memory makes you feel good it has everything to do with how you felt at the time it ocurred and little else with everything else.
As for these thoughts being normal… yes. It's the way we think.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hey,
I have a specific question. Should I date my ex girlfriend? We were broken up for about a year as she cheated on me but we started to hang out a few weeks ago and I think I might be into her.
She asked me to consider starting a new relationship and if I don't answer soon I know I will lose the chance to date her again.
What should I do?
I don't think I can get over my ex for a second time. Also, if I DO get with her again, can you tell me why relationships fail so that I can avoid those things.
Brad
Hi Brad,
"Should I date my ex girlfriend?"
There are various articles covering this question – here's one of them:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/should-you-date-your-...
You say you broke up about a year ago, so time IS a factor in your situation. A lot can happen in a year, and a lot can be forgotten. One thing is to forget, the other to forgive: don't confuse the 2.
You 'think' you may be into her? You either are or you're not. Have a conversation with yourself and come away with a definite answer: it can affect the rest of your life.
She cheated on you and now there's a time-limited offer to get back together with her…
Did she suggest in any way that this is the case, or is this something that you decided?
If the former, then as the cheater I think you lose the right to some privileges… if however you decided that you may miss the boat, then you have to ask yourself if you're not putting too high a value on this boat.
What should you do? You should think some more and stop thinking about ticking clocks. There is no time limit – don't let anybody else tell you otherwise. This is (potentially) a decision that can change the course of your life forever… so you don't get 24 hours to decide… you get as long as you need.
You mention also that you can't get over your ex a second time. You shouldn't be thinking about this in the same space as getting back together with her, and you definitely shouldn't be getting into a relationship with this thought in mind – are you already planning to split up? If not, then why are you thinking about it?
Relationships fail because people don't think. Luckily we can all fix this.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello TTT,
I'm sorry to hear about your mother.
Some thoughts on your comments:
"I don’t beleive he did not feel anything for me throughout the 5 yrs" –> neither do I. However, what he feels for you NOW is more important than what he felt for you before.
"he never told me ‘I LOVE YOU’ which is strange in a way" –> it's not that strange and you shouldn't read too much into this (if anything at all).
"he use to tell me ‘don’t love me’. Weird !!!" –> THIS is a little odd. However, the time to have discussed this has now passed. Perhaps this was a subtle attempt at 'warning' you not to get too close to him emotionally, because he doens't have his stuff together and knew he may be volatile when it comes to making certain decisions. It's a maybe, but either way, the window has passed on this one.
"Well at the moment although I m a bit better but all I want to be is around my family and friends" –> then be with your friends and family.
TTT, you didn't split up at the worse time – nor at the best time. You just split up… period. Life is always going to be throwing stuff at you, so it's never the right time for anything.
Now it's time to make some time for other special people in your life who need it, and to stop thinking about things that aren't helpful.
As for the future… why are you worring about it? It's not even happened yet!
Good luck TTT
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Dear Jose
Thank you once again for your response !!!! He took most of his things bit before we finished up, but he still has a few things to collect like a bread knife, car stereo a sauce pan little things and he still promised to pay the electricity bill which until now remained unpaid !!! He also has to get me some of my stuff which he had in his garage ! Well I really don't know what he s waiting for to be honest !!!
I don't beleive he did not feel anything for me throughout the 5 yrs I don t beleive this but he never told me 'I LOVE YOU' which is strange in a way. The word scares him. When I use to tell him that I loved him, he use to tell me 'don't love me'. Weird !!! You were right maybe
'he’s using words to distance himself from you'
Well at the moment although I m a bit better but all I want to be is around my family and friends. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last December so I am trying to spend time with her as much as possible. We split up during the worse time for me too, he was not so supportive !!
I just wonder whether I will ever meet anyone else and fall in love again cause the numbness I'm feeling at the moment is incredible !!
thank you again.
TTT
Hello Alan,
You don't say much about the circumstances around the break up, so
I don't know the level of dependencies in the relationship (thus I can only be general).
Recovering from an amicable break up where the couple 'grew apart' for whatever reason, is not the same as recovering from a break up where your partner slept with your best friend.
From the wording you use however, it sounds like it's pretty recent. It also sounds like you're missing the company of you ex girlfriend most.
One of the things you need to do is ask yourself truthfully what it is that you're missing – WHY you feel you're lost. Then start analysing your answers.
There's only you involved in this questioning, so be brutally honest (you're only lying to yourself otherwise).
Alan, post again if you need to clarify anything
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://get-over-your-ex.com
Hello Alan,
The best thing to do right now would be to keep yourself busy and not think about her. Remove anything that might remind you of your ex girldfriend. Go out and see some friends. Get a hobby. Just keep yourself occupied.
Allegra.
I recently broke up with my ex and my whole world has turned upside down. I can't cope with the loneliness and it's driving me crazy.
Just reading some of these posts helped me a little, and I feel for all of you. I just don't know what to do about my own situation. We met in the navy and came away to start a new life together. Things just didn't turn out that way after 12 months.
I'm lost. If you can throw me a life line, please do.
Bealsy
Hi Shaz and sorry for the late comment (I actually misssed your post).
You left your man and now you miss him. Well, I'm guessing you had your reasons for leaving him. If they were strong enough for you to disolve the relationship, then it's highly likely that you're missing the routine more than the man – and by routine I'm including the company.
If this is the case, just remind yourself exactly why you left in the first place.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hello Javier.
I didn't say anything about throwing OR damaging an ex's property – that's not a mature attitude and it can only lead to worse things.
I asked TTT why she was storing her ex's stuff at his convenience. In other words… set a deadline: TELL the ex WHEN to get the stuff out by.
The alternative is waiting until the ex decides that he or she can now spare some time to collect their stuff. Without a deadline, this could be weeks.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hi Jose. I'm in a similar situation to TTT but nowhere near as bad. My girlfriend and I split up about 2 weeks ago and I have all her stuff at my flat. Should this be thrown out or burned? There is a radio program where people who get dumped ring up and burn their exs stuff or break it and throw it in the trash. Javier.
Aight, peepz?
DAn, You needs to suck it up!!! Talkin about supporting that backstabber and wanting to be nice to the very people who are treating you badly. And you aint even done nothing!! If they your friends, I aint in a rush to see your enemies!
Seriously. You need to stop seeing them, regardless of how long you have been friends with them, take some Dan time, Chill out and then come back a stronger man. Ya hear me?
Then when pplz see the new, non-desperate version of you they will come TO YOU. You'll have more friends and more ladeez than you have time.
And if you cant stop seeing them at least catch some zzzz and some food down ya throat- don't be walking around in front of your ex-gf and her new man looking like a beat up, old shoe. with the laces missing.
Lou Lou.
Hello again Dan,
OK – let's see:
"Im just unsure how to act…"
Simple: don't ACT. Be you.
Spot the incongruency:
"…because I don’t feel I should be made to leave the friendship circle…. I’ve been friends with some of these guys for over ten years!"
AND
"Its starting to feel like I’m the one being shut out already…"
Are you saying that these guys have been around for 10 years… and they're making you feel in some way like an outcast?
Dan: upgrade your friends.
It's a mistake to measure the length of time you have known people as a component of loyalty. It doesn't work that way. If it did, everybody's best friend would always be their parents, or guardians.
Make sure however – before you do anything – that these people ARE outcasting you. In other words: make sure your feeling is justified. If you're not sure you're going to have to give them the benefit of the doubt.
"I’m struggling to sleep and my stomach is churning over things all the time. I just need to forget but I get the strong impression that i’m not going to be allowed to"
Dan – forgetting is not an option. Moving on IS. You're not making progress by staying in the circle – it's making you ILL!
Get out of the circle – at least for a small amount of time. Learn something, read, watch stuff… and stop thinking.
I wonder how many people will ask after you when you've been gone a week or 2…
And if you're even thinking about "they may not let me back into the circle if I leave…" then that makes your friendship fear and dependency based. Neither of those things belong in a real friendship Dan.
PS Allegra gave very good advice a few posts up. In How to get over your ex there is a section of what NOT to do. What Allegra tells you is encapsulated in that chapter: never bad-mouth anybody, especially your girlfriend or your circle of friends. This is ultimately what makes you a man of character.
Keep it together Dan
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hi TTT,
You mentioned a few new things in your last post. I don't doubt that you did a lot for him – I'm just pointing out that we all see what WE do persoanlly as faultless… and sometimes it helps to step out of ourselves to SEE how what we do and say looks and feels to those around us.
You also mention that he said he didn't feel anything for you during the 5 years. TTT this is an awful thing to say to anybody. Whether he's using words to distance himself from you in any way he can (perhaps he has some things to deal with that stop him from being with you) what he said was both insensitive and out of order.
TTT, why are you going to 'try' talk to him when he comes round to pick his stuff up? Are you going to try to convince him to like you?
I think you've taken a hit, you've tried again and he's not been responsive. Move on and STOP thinking about what's and if's… and to whatever he may or may not be up to (it has nothing to do with you).
If he didn't feel anything for you for the past 5 years, then not only did he waste his time, but he wasted yours too. You can't get that time back (but it's not all bad… that time would have passed with OR without him… so don't beat yourself too much about this).
However… let me ask you something…
He spent 5 years with you.
Then he left.
Quite abruptly as you put it.
Then he tells you that he didn't feel anything for you (this translates into: I wasted your time)
So… why exactly are you minding his stuff – at his convenience – in your place?
Sometimes we need to get tough
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hi,
Thanks for the kick in the right direction. I'm just unsure how to act because I don't feel I should be made to leave the friendship circle….I've been friends with some of these guys for over ten years!
Its starting to feel like I'm the one being shut out already. I'm struggling to sleep and my stomach is churning over things all the time. I just need to forget but I get the strong impression that i'm not going to be allowed to…
Do you have any more advise for me?
Dear Jose
Thank you for your nice words. I have been very patient and nice to him and his kids all through out the five years. Whenever the daughter came over that is once a week and every w end I never slept near my ex but she slept next to him. I helped himall the time in his gardening work and was always there for him! So did he have to react like that !!! My God !!! and through away 5 yrs instead of discussing!! When I called telling him to discuss he told me sorry I don t feel anything for you and through out the five years never did !!! Wow !!! and he said I cannot stay with you cause I feel sorry. So I think no matter what he hates me now and it s hard !!! I heard he's already trying to make a pass at someone else, pity she's married and he's going to ruin her marriage !!!
He still has to collect some stuff from my house maybe I could try talking to him then?? He told me though I prefer the kids to you…!!!
I think I over reacted about the DVD you're right but then my God how stuborn he is to end it so ! If I reallyl loved someone I would not reconsider things not end it !!
Thanks for your good advice! I feel lost now ! Don't feel like being with anyone !!
Thanks
TTT
Hello TTT,
5 years is a long time and it's a shame if its the end of the relationship.
TTT, I'm going to answer to the information you've provided me. I don't know whether certain things happened often, or the dynamics of your relationship – so I can only give you my thoughts on what you tell me here.
You say: "The day we split up his youngest daughter got a dvd of her mum and the family when they were still together and wanted to watch it."
"I got annoyed watching his past."
"I called him in the kitchen and told him that this was not fair and that I was fed up and that the next day our relation was over."
OK, read this again:
"his youngest daughter got a dvd … and wanted to watch it."
"I got annoyed watching his past."
"I called him in the kitchen and told him that this was not fair and that I was fed up…"
…
"…the next day our relation was over."
TTT, on the face of it, it looks like you may have offended him at a deep level.
As I said, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship – I can't rule out that this may have been 'the way out of the relationship' he may have been looking for… perhaps after a series of similar events?
However… we need to get back to the event – regardless of the final reason for abandoning the relationship – and look at some things that need to change.
"his youngest daughter got a dvd … and wanted to watch it."
TTT, his youngest daughter is 12. She sees her dad less than another woman (you) that isn't her mother. She's less mature to handle this situation. Children from broken homes generally fantasize about their parents getting together and being happily ever after. You have to realize that your ex also has to deal with this, and act in a way that doesn't upset his younger daughter.
"I got annoyed watching his past."
1. Why where you there?
2. You have a past too.
A better plan would have been to excuse yourself and go shopping or catch up on some reading, whilst he spent the afternoon with his daughter. This may not be an ideal situation for everybody, but he has a daughter and she's only 12 once. In a few years she'll grow up and weekends will be a thing of the past.
Be aware that children may also battle for attention. Perhaps the DVD she brought WAS chosen to upset you… but your ex boyfriend has NO control of the DVD his daughter brings… and how can he say no when she wants to watch it? What could he possibly say to justify saying no?
Lastly, and more importantly, YOU shouldn't have gotten upset over this, or blamed him over the DVD. He had no control of this, and being put on this spot like this must have been very frustrating for him.
"I called him in the kitchen and told him that this was not fair and that I was fed up…"
This was a bad move TTT. There are times to argue and bring things up. The time to do this was not when he was spending time.. let me say it again… with his daughter.
You chose to go into this relationship knowing he had kids. This translates to responsibilities. You have 2 choices: you either accept those situations and HELP with them, or you complain and whine. One of them is not going to work.
I can't imagine he was having a great time trying to keep his daughter happy on the one hand, having to sit and watch his ex wife's face on tv, and having you on the other side grunting because you were upset that he has a past.
I'm going to guess that at that moment he didn't want to be there at all. With neither of you.
On the face of it, it looks like you made him choose between you and his daughter.
Either way, I know you miss your ex boyfriend and you're feeling pretty stressed right now.
Let me give you a piece of advice: if you want your ex back, you're going to have to BE different. If the OLD you didn't 'do the job', then the old you isn't going to get the ex boyfriend back. It's that simple. YOU are going to have to make some changes, and then present those changes in the way of dialog.
Take a look at this article to see what you can do:
http://get-over-your-ex.com/how-to-get-your-ex-gi...
Look at the things of the past again, but this time put yourself in your ex boyfriend's shoes… and see things through HIS eyes.
And one last thing:
"I use to feel he was not over his ex wife yet even though 5 yrs gone by and he says he hates her. But he always use to ask questions about her."
TTT, if he says he's over his ex wife, then believe him and leave it at that. There are more important things to concentrate on instead, rather than on some other person that isn't even there.
If he asked his daughters questions about his ex wife, that's between him and his daughters – she is their mother, and he CAN'T be nasty about her to them without upsetting them. He has to keep a balance.
It seems like in the end he may have been trying to balance too many things.
"I m confused and very hurt !!!! I hope I will get better !!!"
You WILL get better. Now go think about things, and when you're ready give it another try. If you think you can improve certain things about you, then say so. If you think he can improve certain things about him, say so too. If you think you can BOTH improve certain things, then certainly say so.
Do this gracefullyy TTT. Perhaps a letter may be a good medium of communication after all this time. Just state your case when you're ready and then leave. Who knows, this may serve you well in a future time (people do get together after some time apart).
Just remember that you can't convince somebody to love you – so don't over do it.
Best of luck TTT
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hi Dan and thank you for your kind comments.
Ok – let's see:
"My ex of only 1 week has started dating my best friend…"
Stop there.
Would YOU date your best friends' ex girlfriend 1 week after THEY split up?
If not… then maybe you should consider your friends a little better…
"Its completely torn our friendship group apart"…
'friendship'?
"I can’t bear the thoughts of them being together and constantly rubbing it in my face. How should I act around them? Should I completely ignore them?…try to be friendly?…Offer my support to my ex because she’s probably worried how everyone is reacting?"
Dan, if you can't stand to see them together… they DON'T see them together. Let me ask you this: why are you hanging around them?
You shouldn't have to be conscious of HOW to act in front of friends Dan. If your 'best' friend and your ex girlfriend don't have the decency to leave the group – since they caused the bad dynamic – then you should leave.
I really wouldn't give much thought to what others in the group may or may not think: they're also human, and I'm sure THEY wouldn't feel comfortable with this situation. But again, this is not about them – it's about you.
Don't outcase the rest of your group because of this, but then again, if they're not prepared to make time for you without the 'couple of the week' then that's just the way it is.
Bottom line: you don't owe anybody anything. You DO owe yourself something however – and that's NOT putting yourself in situations where you feel uncomfortable.
As for supporting your ex girlfriend… protect your dignity instead.
Time to heal Dan
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hello Pollyanna, and thanks for your post.
You say: "He left me becuase I cheated on him"
and
"How do I deal with the guilt and put the past behind me?"
Unfortunately this is something that you're going to have to take responsibility for: this is the outcome of your decision; of your actions.
Are you asking for a way to feel better for what you did, or are you saying you're sorry for what you did?
If you genuinely feel sorry for what you did, you should try to let the other person (your ex boyfriend) know this – and I'm talking about a REAL apology.
However, don't expect this to be a time-reversal 'trick' that will somehow jump-start your relationship. Expect nothing, not even forgiveness. Instead be ready to walk away and put this one down as a hard lesson learnt.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hello Dan,
Although you were asking Mr. Gonzalez the question, perhaps you would permit me to offer some advice. Not so long ago, my husband of over a decade left me for another woman. She was married to a close friend of my husband.
It is understandable that you are angry and hurt and unsure of how to act around them. In my case, we had many mutual friends and I had to see them at numerous gatherings. I found it very difficult, at first, to watch the man whom I had loved for many years being affectionate towards another woman. It was an indescribable pain. I stopped attending the parties where I knew they would make an appearnce.
As we all live in a small town it was inevitable that I would periodically encouter them whilst out shopping or meeting friends. When this occured, I did my best to be pleasant towards them both with a qucik smile or nod in their direction. However,I did not extend the pleasantaries furthur. There was no need.
Just as there is no need in your case. Although your girlfriend had the good grace to leave you (or perhaps you left, you didn't specify) before the break up, she is still seeing someone within your circle. This can be hard to accept, especially a week after your break up. I suggest you do not see them for a while, at least until you are over the inital hurt of the break up and seeing your ex with your best friend.
You do not need to offer her any support. But do not bad mouth her either.
Do not ignore them if you happen to accidentaly encounter them. say hello, wave etc but leave it at that.
I hope this helps Dan,
Allegra
I have split up from my partner after a 5 yr relationship two months ago. I miss him immensely. He was seperated and had two daughters one was 19 yrs and the younger one 12 yrs. We lived together and the youngest one came once and week and on every weekend. I supported him all the way and helped him in whatever he needed. To be quiet honest I was alwasy there for him but not vice versa! The day we split up his youngest daughter got a dvd of her mum and the family when they were still together and wanted to watch it. I got annoyed watching his past. I called him in the kitchen and told him that this was not fair and that I was fed up and that the next day our relation was over. In the morning I went to appologize but my appology was not accepted. He sent me an sms saying he was moving out. He never came home again!!! I called him to see if he was coming home but he said he was not he rented a flat and did not want to live with me any longer!!! A week later I sent him an sms saying I was missing him but he said he could not stay with me just because he felt sorry. I really cannot accept the situation. I adored him it came so sudden !!! Could it be that he s got some sort of a personality disorder. I use to feel he was not over his ex wife yet even though 5 yrs gone by and he says he hates her. But he always use to ask questions about her. I m confused and very hurt !!!! I hope I will get better !!! What a funny situation I m in !!
TTT
Ello
I came across this site wen I was googling how to get over your ex. I actuali left my bf bt its still hard to get over him. what can I do bout this? Like, even thoughI left my man- I still miss him and that.
Hi Jose,
Its only day one and I've already been helped so much by your advise.
I have a specific question for you…
My ex of only 1 week has started dating my best friend. Its completely torn our friendship group apart in one fell swoop. I can't bear the thoughts of them being together and constantly rubbing it in my face.
How should I act around them? Should I completely ignore them?…try to be friendly?…Offer my support to my ex because she's probably worried how everyone is reacting?
What is your advise on this?
Thank you so much,
Dan Moss
heya,
ok, first of all – the 7 tips are off the hook!!!! Seriously, been followin them and they are doin the trick- although its been a while since my ex left..
anyways, I saw the post by Polly and I just had to say that- you need to get over it. YOU were in the wrong, you were the cheating girlfriend and if he doesnt want to forgive you then thats that.
Also for Mani, seriously, if you keeps ringin him he is gonna think you are desperate and no one wants to be with someone desperate- know what I;m sayin?
Lou Lou
Thanks for the wonderful tips for getting over an ex Jose. Just got number 4 and it really struck a chord with me. Look forward to the rest.
Thanks again
Sam D
Hey,
I was wondering if you could help me, I recently split up with my boyfriend- its been three days now and I don't think I can get over it. He left me becuase I cheated on him. We were starting to work it out but he suddenly left saying that he couldnt forgive a cheating girlfriend.
How do I deal with the guilt and put the past behind me? I am feeling really sad and lonely. If anyone can offer any advice it will be much appreciated.
Thanks,
Polly
Hello again Mani.
Step 1 is about making a decision.
OK, you decided to ring your ex boyfriend, and he won't answer the phone to you. You also heard from your friends that he may be dating another woman.
Mani, if you decide to call, all you can do is leave a message. You can't make the other person pick up the phone, or answer you if they don't want to.
If it's true that he's now dating somebody else, then that's a decision that HE made. Again, you have no controll of that decision.
Let me also point out again that you canNOT forget somebody naturally. This is not how your mind works.
If this is the way it is right now – he's gone and he has somebody else – then you're going to have to take responsibility for yourself right now and STOP setting yourself up for failure. Ringing him constantly when you know that he's not likely to answer his phone (for whatever reason) is setting yourself up for failure each and every time.
You must take reposnibility for yourself and your own thoughts. Nobody is forcing you to think of – or do – anything. What you feel is largely a result of what you do and think… and you have control of those 2 factors.
You can't move on if you keep revisiting this step. If he's gone, he's gone. Now you have to concentrate on making things better for yourself.
Look at it this way: the worst has happened.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
hi. i was feel very dissapointed and for your information i have try to call back my ex.but as usuall he not take the phone.i hear from my friends tat he already have a another girl.i do no wat to do.but i was always thinking of him and i canot stop thinking of him.i already read the 1st step.i think tat is very hard to forget i have love so much.i hope that u will help me so that i can survive to live.
thank u
Mani – thank you for taking the time to share your question and good luck. I have a feeling you're ready for Step 1…
hxx: Good to hear that. I think Step 1 will also help you out. Most people get stuck at the initial stage after a break up. Step 1 will help you break through this.
Good luck!
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
thnx. im reading step 1 now
thank u for give me a full of support
Hi hxx and thanks for your post.
You don't mention how long your relationship lasted and what level of commitment and responsibility you both had.
For instance, before breaking up, a couple could be in a relationship for 3 years, share a mortgage and even a pet, as well of course as their lives. This would – on the face of it – make recovering from a break up 'hard' or at the very least a stressful experience.
But you also have to look at the circumstances around the break up. For instance, the same couple may have drifted apart and even split up amicably. At the other extreme you have couples that split up because of cheating and betrayal, and even the cheating has different levels of stress attached to it. For instance, generally speaking, a girlfriend who cheats on you with your best friend is likely to upset you more than if she cheated with an ex boyfriend of hers…
So you can see how there are layers, and how each layer has levels of complexity.
hxx, you don't give much information in your post other than the bare minumum, so I can only tell you what I 'see' on the top level.
Your language does suggest that you're perhaps clinging on at soe level. You say you split up from your girlfriend months ago. Technically, she's now your ex girlfriend…
Then you ask if there's something wrong with you… as opposed to 'is this normal'…
There is probably some work you need to do on your self-esteem, to start with, and perhaps take some time out to THINK about where you really ARE – as opposed to being where you THINK you are…
I hope that makes sense for you
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
i split up like months ago with my gf and i stil miss her. is there somethin wrong with me?
Well said Lou lou – noone deserves to be treated badly. I'd ave done the same
Why would you want to be with someone who hurts you, girl? Three years where he has dumped you countless times and you STILL want to go back?
I suggest you forget him and move on. Seriously.
And as for Toni, are you for real? Why you with a married woman? You were just aksin for the drama.
Lou Lou
Hi Mani,
It sounds like you had 3 hard years, but it also looks like you learned some lessons which will serve you well.
You say he hurt you so much, so you need to use this to support your decision: to move on (to get on with your life). When you say you're scared you may go find him again… all you have to do is remember how much he hurt you. Do you really want to go through all that again?
Perhaps one day he'll see what he did; he may even come find you and apologize… but right now you have some work to do patching yourself up, so stay away and focus on YOU.
Glad to hear you have the book – follow the 7 steps and you'll be fine.
Unfortunately you can't forget somebody – NOTHING can do this for you.
What you CAN do is this: you can break the habbit of thinking about somebody. Read the following article to learn how to do this, and then get back to the book for the full plan.
http://get-over-your-ex.com/stop-thinking-about-y...
Best of luck
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
hi, i just 3 week have a break up wit my ex. i already forgive him for many time but untill now he dont wan to give him full of love to me.he has so many dump me.i have suffer so much for 3 years.now i leave him ready but i was always thinking of him.i scared if i go find him again.he have hurt me so much ready.i allready have the full version of the book n i hope the book will help me.i just wan ask if i read that book can i forget him totally?
Hi again Alex,
I think you should consider everybody's advice and stop for a moment, at least to gather your thoughts. If you're communication with your ex is as stressed as your messages here, then this may well be the reason for your ex not answering your calls.
You're going to have to be calm, cool and collected if you're even considering a face-to-face talk with your ex.
You say also that you don't know why she wanted to split up. Can YOU think of any reason? Without jumping to conclusions, and with only your side of the story, it's hard to narrow down.
Can you can tell me a little more about the circumstances surrounding your break up?
I take it from your message that your goal is to get back together with your ex. Correct me if this is wrong. When you can pin-point the reason for the break up, working out a 'solution' (and I use this word loosely) becomes much easier. If we don't know why she decided to split up with you (if this really is the case) then we're just guessing.
Tell me a little more and dig deep to see if you know why she may have split up with you.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Hi Tony,
Can I ask you to clarify: you say you dated for 5 years and then her husband moved in with her…
Was she married during the time you were dating her? Or did she get married during the year you went away.
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Alex – K998 is right. Give yoru ex a break. Not going to be the same for everybody but I'd wait a week. She needs time to think and get things straightned out first before she is ready to see you again.
Just give her time. And she might come back to you if you don't keep chasing her.
Gino
Thnx i didnt call her today like you said. we were together for almost a year tho. i told her she wants to throw it all away after all that time.
she didnt say why she wanted to split up. thnx
k998 how long did you have to wait till she called you back?
is they a way to get back my ex . we dated five years and i joined the military and was away from her for one year and her husband moved in, They have two kids. She is korean and I'm canadian. I came back to korea to try to win her back. She is 42.
she was head over heels over me in those five years we spend day and night together.
Is it possibel she is suffering from mid life criss. She just got her face left.
Hi Alex,
It seems that you're a little stressed. I'm going to guess that your break up was recent? If so, there will be a natural tendency on your part to go 'all out' in an attempt to restore the routine you developed in your relationship.
You don't give enough information regarding the age of the relationship, the reason for the break up and how long it has been since you broke up, so I can only give you general advice.
If your break up was recent, try to avoid a knee-jerk reaction. As hard as it may be, stop and think before you do anything.
As K998 suggests, stay off the phone for at least a day and collect your thoughts. Put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes and ask yourself: would YOU answer the phone to you?
Jose Gonzalez
Get your FREE ebook download
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com
Why did u guyz break up?
Stressing her mite not wrk man, so maybe you should nt try to call so much.
When I broke up with my gf, I hd to not call and she then made contact with me. Maybbe try tht?
My girlfriend left me and it's been hell since the day she left me. She didnt leave me for another guy but it hasn't been long at all. She wont talk to me and won't pick up the phone to me when i call her. I havent slept since she left and i want help. Anything you can do will help me thnx. Alex
Okay, so was going out with this girl, and she wa all over everyone. She just repeatedly hurt me, I don’t think she knew she was hurting me, but it hurt. So I broke up with her and now she is saying things like “you’re all I can think about” “give me another chance” and I don’t want to give her another chance because she hurt me, but I don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to date her ever again,
Hej Kaden
i don't mean to sound blunt, but i would say: just tell her exactly that. If you are sure that you don't want to give her another chance, then tell her. I know it sounds mean, but to give someone hope when there isn't any, is even more cruel. Trust me. You know that she would hurt you again if you gave her another chance, so tell her it's over.
You need to think about yourself sometimes. If she's bad for you, tell her no.
I had a recent break up and we’ve been dating for 7 months and everything was going great well two days ago and he was all over me and yesterday he just left me and i’m feeling neglected by him why is it one day everything is perfect and then the next he just leaves me?
Meradith, if you think he's that unstable, why would you want him back?
The reason he left may or may have something to do with you. Who knows. But you can't start taking responsibility for everybody's actions now can you…
You're making it about 'you'… without knowing if it is.
* I'm not suggesting you go on a crusade to find out either.
Jose Gonzalez